Like I Do
by bosswoman88
Summary: What if Rayna and Deacon had gone on that tour in season 1 after all...
1. Chapter 1

_**RAYNA**_

She sat in her SUV in the parking lot, staring at the back door to the Bluebird for who knows how long, pretending she didn't know what it was that made her come here tonight.

But she did. She can say exactly what it was. She can lie to everyone else, but she can't lie to herself.

It's guilt, plain and simple.

They still know which buttons on each other to press the hardest to get to the nerve, and Deacon had gotten to hers with that argument this afternoon after Juliette's Barnes' little "gift" had arrived. She knew she'd blown it up into more than it was, but really…trying to bribe a man with a $50,000 guitar had to be a new low she had yet to see in all her years of this business. She shouldn't have expected anything less from the likes of Juliette.

She might have overreacted, but there had been a truth in Deacon's words that hurt.

 _What are you talkin about, these songs? I play these songs! Every third Thursday I'm at the Bluebird playing our songs. You'd know if you'd been there once in the last 10 years._

That last part wasn't entirely true, though. She had been at the Bluebird countless numbers of times in the last 10 years, both performing _and_ sitting in the crowd. But that third Thursday every month, no matter how many times Deacon asked, she always feigned excuse in some form or another. Eventually, he'd stopped asking.

The truth was, it was just too hard. Their entire history was wrapped up inside that building, from the pictures of them that still hung on the walls, to the stage where they'd first ever sang together. This was where they'd met, where she'd been doing an open mic night when he'd walked in and stood in the back just like she was about to do now, when he'd written _A Life that's Good_ on a napkin and in return she'd fallen in love with him about ten whole minutes after they met.

Angry with him, she'd stormed out of rehearsal earlier today, but even at home she couldn't escape. Teddy and her father's little team of henchmen were waiting to question her. "Vulnerability study", they called it, asking her a string of questions about her past. She called it what it really was: trying to sweep the dust under the rug, trying to make sure nothing she'd done in her past would hurt Teddy's emerging political career.

 _When did you end your relationship with Deacon Claybourne?_

 _I didn't,_ she said. _He's still in my band. We just sort of…evolved into something else._

 _Well what would you call it? Did you ever have an affair with him?_

 _Of course not._

 _Did you ever want to?_

She was done, after that. Excused herself, to escape once more, just got in the truck and started driving around in the dark, and somehow without even realizing it at first, she'd ended up there.

And there she sat.

Her mind moved briefly to the box in the back of her closet at home, the one with all the important family papers.

Guilt.

There would always be guilt.

Watty was the one who came up with the brilliant idea for the tour. They were supposed to leave in three days. _You and Deacon should go on the road together,_ he'd said a few weeks ago.

 _Watty that's a crazy idea. We can't go onstage and pour our hearts out to each other. That was a long time ago. And Deacon will never go for it. It's all different now._

But Deacon did go for it, to her surprise. He seemed to think it was a good idea as well, a way to put her career back on track and get some new music out to her most dedicated fans.

It was also a way to avoid the misery of opening up for someone else. There was no way in hell she was going on any stage before Juliette Barnes, no matter what her damn record label said.

Teddy was the one, of course, who put on the brakes over her going on tour with Deacon. It was one of the worse fights they'd had in a long time, even worse than the one after she found out he'd essentially run their life savings into the ground because of a busted real estate deal. "Cash poor", he liked to call it. She liked to call it something else: damn near broke. Teddy wanted her to ask Lamar for a loan. Like hell. The day she did that would be the same day she opened for Juliette Barnes.

 _You and Deacon sleeping on the same tour bus? I'm not going to say I'm okay with that, Rayna_.

 _You never asked me if I was okay with you making bad real estate deals and running for mayor! I'm going, Teddy. I don't have a choice if we want to keep living in this house._

She sighed now, thinking of how that fight had ended. Things had not been good long before any of this happened, and it had just added fuel to the fire. They'd been trying to fix things for two years, but the gap between her and Teddy was so wide now, she didn't know if it could ever be fixed.

Somehow her feet carried her, and she got out of the SUV before she could change her mind, pulled open the back door of the Bluebird, and slipped in through the side hallway, trying to be inconspicuous, telling herself she'd just listen to a song or two and go.

Even in the middle of the fast number he was on, Deacon's eyes zeroed in on her, sensing her presence immediately.

 _I'm sorry,_ her eyes told him.

 _Me too._

And when the song ended, he called her up onstage, greeted her with a hug, a kiss on the cheek.

They were good, she knew. Argument forgotten. It was always like this with them, always had been.

"What you feel like singing?" Deacon asked quietly, for only their ears, shooting her a reassuring smile.

But then someone in the crowd yelled out "No one will ever love you!"

The cheers started, and with a little bit of reluctance, he signaled the band for the song they hadn't sang together in almost two decades.

Just a few lines in, and she knew they were in trouble.

Because just a song with them, was never "just a song", and as the words flowed as easily as they ever had, she almost forgot they had an audience, her gazed fixed instead on his face when they hit that line. _I know why you're lonely. It's time you knew it too._

It was still _there._ It was there 17 years ago when they'd written that song after he'd gotten out of rehab for the second time. It was still there now, that rare feeling of knowing someone else could see your soul, and of being able to see theirs in return.

By the time they'd somehow made it through the end of the song, Rayna felt like her heart was in her throat, and it took every bit of strength she had to tear her eyes from his and back to the audience, who were on their feet giving a standing ovation.

She had a problem indeed, and this time it had nothing to do with Juliette Barnes, or expensive guitars, or how much money her husband had lost.

It was the realization that she was in love with the man sitting next to her who was not her husband.

Or maybe, she thought painfully, as she forced a smile across her face and faced the room full of people, the real problem was that she'd never stopped.


	2. Chapter 2

_**DEACON**_

 _No one will ever love you….like I do…_

When the song ended,he grabbed her hand without thinking, and the jolt was instant. It felt right, and wrong as hell at the same time, like a wound from the past had been slashed wide open all over again. She was just as shaken as he was, he could see it all over her face.

After their argument at rehearsal this afternoon, seeing Rayna standing in the back of the Bluebird tonight had meant more to him than she'd ever know. It was a relief, of sorts. They were back to good.

Still, he didn't know what he'd been thinking, calling her up to sing like that, signaling the band when the audience had requested that song before she could shake her head 'no'. It was the first time in 13 years he hadn't just been the guy behind her, for a moment he'd been the guy right next to her again.

And then he was just sitting there with her hand in his like they were still….well he didn't know _what_ the hell they were lately. She was married, for christ sakes. The cold metal of her wedding ring under his palm was a harsh reminder that no matter how many songs they sang, the fact remained that she didn't belong to him. She would go home to Teddy Conrad when the night was over, crawl into a bed next to him, while the two girls she'd had with him slept down the hall.

But even Teddy couldn't touch what they had together onstage. No one could. It was their own brand of magic, a far more powerful addiction than anything that came in a pill or bottle. It had only taken one song to remind him of that.

It looked like the audience had been reminded too. They were on their feet, giving a standing ovation, while the two of them sat there trying to get some semblance of balance back.

"Play another one!" someone in the crowd called out. "Play _Take a Walk_!"

Rayna addressed the crowd with a smile and spoke into the mic. "Just one for me tonight, sorry. Back to this guy here. Thanks, y'all."

Without looking at him again, she gently slipped her hand out of his and left the stage, while Deacon went back to playing the rest of his set alone, already feeling the emptiness of the spot next to him.

He'd expected her to leave, but instead, she was still there when he was packing up his guitar emerging out of the shadows of the back hallway after the rest of the crowd has departed.

"We have to talk," she said quietly, her eyes troubled.

 _This is it_ , he thought. _So much for that tour._

Wordlessly, Deacon snapped the guitar case closed, then swung it up and followed her outside to his truck. He put his guitar in the trunk and then got into the driver's seat, where she had already climbed into his passenger seat to wait.

He tried to find the right words but nothing seemed to fit as they sat there in the dark, afraid to look at each other, afraid of what it all meant, that all their years of playing this "pretend it isn't there" game had caught up to them. The realization of pretending it wasn't there now was going to be damn near impossible.

Rayna spoke first.

"I wish we never would have done that song," she whispered.

He got it. Maybe someone else wouldn't, but he did.

A song was never just a song with them. It never had been.

And it meant they had to face it now. And they haven't faced it in 13 years.

"What are we gonna do now?" He said in a low voice, staring through the windshield into the dark.

Rayna didn't answer, and when he looked over at her, the expression on her face broke him.

It reminded him of that night all those years ago when Lamar had kicked her out of his house. She'd been a sixteen year old kid, with nothing more than wanting to follow a dream, sitting in the front seat of his truck just like she was doing now, after the first time they'd played at the Bluebird.

" _He says I can't go home, Deacon. What am I supposed to do now? she started to cry, and not knowing what else to do, he pulled her into his arms. "Hey now, none of that. I'll take care of you, alright, Ray? I'll always take care of you."_

He'd done it then and he did it now. Without another second's hesitation, he reached over and pulled her in close. She didn't resist, and her head fell against his shoulder, her hair soft against his face and hot tears falling on his shirt. It was secretly a relief to him, somehow. They still fit together just like they used to. It brought up a pain inside his chest he'd almost forgotten was there. It was always there. Some nights it just hurt worse than others.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I'm crying all over your favorite shirt." .

"S' okay," he said, trying to lighten up the mood a little. "I got others." Make a joke of it. Shove it down, hide it behind other things. That is what they've always done. It's not like they haven't had plenty of these moments over the last thirteen years.

Somehow he knows this one was different though. They've blurred that line, but never crossed it.

That night, that song, was a very big step over that line.

And now, with all the plans for the tour…there was nothing to drag them back to the right side of it except the wedding ring on her finger.

Rayna tilted her head up to see his face and her mouth was just inches away from his, her breathing a little bit shallow. "Deacon," she whispered, almost pleading.

"Ray," he said softly, smoothing the hair off her face. "You need to go home." It was painful, to say those words, to have her so close and yet so far away. But he knew if they start this now, exactly where it would lead, and that there would be no stopping it. Having her and losing her again would kill him faster than any liquid that came in a bottle. She was his greatest addiction. Cole has said it so many times, and the man was right.

She closed her eyes, and one more sob escaped, one more tear fell before she pulled away from him and sat back in her seat, her breathing shallow, trying to get her balance back as she thought about what they'd almost done.

With an ache inside her that was almost unbearable, Rayna opened up the door and climbed out of the truck and stumbled towards her car.

He watched her go, didn't stop her, just sat there, shaken to the core.

So close they'd been…

And he realized she never answered his question.

What in the hell were they gonna do now?

 **###Thanks for reading, your reviews are much appreciated! I know these have been shorter chapters, but still setting the scene for the tour...**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Rayna**_

 _What are we gonna do now?_

Deacon's words echoed in her head as she sat in her SUV outside her own house, trying to find some semblance of gathering herself together before she went inside. It was late, almost midnight. She'd been driving around in the dark for nearly two hours since leaving the Bluebird, and she was still no closer to having an answer to that question.

 _Damn you, Deacon,_ she thought miserably. _Now we're a mess all over again._

Bucky had already called. _What happened tonight? It's all over the gossip sites._

 _It was nothing, Bucky. Just a song._

Bucky knew her well enough, and she could tell he didn't believe that for a second.

 _Alright then, what about the tour? Is it still on?_

She couldn't answer that either. She honestly didn't know.

All she knew right at that moment was that the two halves of her heart were once again at war, being dragged in completely opposite directions at the same time, and in the house in front of her were two sleeping little girls and a man who she'd promised herself to for better or worse. And right now, that side of the battle won.

With a shaky hand she reached up and flipped down the visor. She wiped away the tiny smudges around her eyes left from her tears, and she resolutely pushed it all away, back down deep to the bottom of her soul where it belonged. It was only more if they made it more. And she wouldn't let them.

"It was just one song," she repeated to her own reflection in the tiny mirror.

The eyes staring back at her called her a liar.

When she walked in the house, Teddy was still up, cleaning the kitchen from the dinner she'd missed after she'd left earlier. Or, what he was really doing, she knew, was pretending to clean the kitchen while he waited for her to get home. She stood in the doorway and watched him for a minute as he sipped a beer bottle and scrubbed the same spot on the marble repeatedly with a towel.

He looked up when she entered the kitchen, his face expressionless.

She couldn't read him at all anymore. It was sad, in a way. She'd never imagined they would end up with such a distance between them, even now as they stood four feet away from each other in the kitchen, it felt more like a mile. _Where did we go wrong?_ she thought sadly. _Our girls deserve better than this._

"Can I ask you something?" she spoke quietly.

He nodded, running his hands through his dark hair.

"Why did you marry me?"

The answer she got from him wasn't what she expected, or what she thought she wanted.

"Because you dazzled me," Teddy said without hesitation. "You always have."

It was disappointing, somehow, and it made her heart ache even more. She didn't know exactly what she'd been expecting him to say, but it hadn't been that. _Because I love you_ would have sufficed. _Because I can't live without you_ would have been golden.

She was tired, so tired of fighting all this. There was so many things she knew she should say, that _needed_ to be said. She might not have been in love with Teddy when she married him, but he had been there for her in her most broken moments. They'd grown this life together, this family, and for her girls she'd given it everything she had. The trouble was, they'd been trying to fix it for so long, that she wondered if there was anything left to fix. Ever since the real estate deal had failed, since he'd told her about the money laundering Lamar had covered up, she couldn't seem to find a way to put her trust back in him like she once had.

Teddy cleared his throat. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't ask what you thought about me running for mayor, and it's not fair for you to be subject to inquiries and background checks. And if you…want to go on that tour, you should go."

Rayna nodded her head slightly. "I think I need to, Teddy. For my career, and…for us. I think we need some time apart to think about things. Where we want this marriage to go."

He let out a deep sigh. "I think you're right."

She leaned forward to hug him. "I love you," she said quietly, and she meant it. But as she said those words, another face ran through her mind, and the guilt crept in again. 13 years ago she'd chosen to marry Teddy when Deacon was in rehab.

13 years ago she'd also chosen not to tell Deacon that he was her daughter's father.

2 hours ago she'd sat in his truck doubting every decision she'd ever made.

"Come to bed?" Teddy asked when she pulled away from him.

"In a bit. I think I'm going to write for awhile. Get some…things off my mind."

Teddy looked disappointed, but it had been this way for months. He always went to bed first, she came in after he was asleep. They might as well be sleeping in separate rooms, and they both knew it, for as far apart as they were in that bed.

She missed it sometimes, that feeling of waking in the middle of the night with the warmth that came with someone's else's body tangled with yours, of their face in your hair or their breath on your neck.

It was how you slept when you were in love.

"Goodnight, Rayna."

"Night."

Teddy kissed her cheek, and headed for the stairs, and again, she watched him, the heaviness in his footsteps and his shoulders, like he carried the weight of the world.

 _What else is he hiding?_ Rayna thought, filled with dread. All these politicial plans with her father could mean absolutely nothing good.

Feeling a little defeated, she walked down the hall to her music room and sat at the piano for a long time with a notepad in front of her, the lights dimmed to a glow, plunking softly at the keys. This would save her. Music always did.

Before she knew it, it was 2 AM and she realized she'd been staring at the same two lines of words for an hour and she couldn't seem to build anything around them, but she couldn't get them out of her head either.

 _There are kingdoms to keep us apart….so we live out our lives in the dark_

 _Love has a way_

 _Of making you pay with your heart_

"Well if that isn't the truth, I don't know what is," she said out loud to no one but herself. With a sigh, she grabbed a blanket off the back of the old sofa and wrapped it around herself, then collected her notepad and her phone and walked out to the patio. Sinking into a comfty lounge chair, she stared up at the sky, where the moon was high and bright tonight and every star was visible.

Biting her lip, she reached for her phone. It was late, but it didn't matter. She knew she'd never sleep unless she got this song out. It was always like this, became like an obsession, a musical blessing and a curse at the same time. Teddy had never understood it. _Can't you just finish it tomorrow?_

But _he_ would.

She scrolled through the contacts until she found Deacon's name, intending to send him a message, when she noticed there was already one in her inbox from 2 hours ago. Almost right after she'd left him in the parking lot.

 _Talk? Call me._

Her heart hammered as she hit the call button.

He answered on the first ring, as if he'd been waiting.

"Hey," she said softly. "Sorry, it's late. Did you wanna talk?"

"Hey." His voice was low. "I just…well, I need to know about the tour, Ray."

 _The tour. Right_ , she realized. He didn't want to talk about the way just hours ago they'd sang an old love song and stared into each other's eyes like there was no one else in the room. He didn't want to talk about the fact that they'd barely avoided making a very big mistake in his truck earlier. He just wanted to talk about the tour.

She had already made up her mind about that, but she asked anyway, thinking of their argument at Soundcheck yesterday. "I need to know something too. If we don't do this…are you going out with Juliette's tour? Is that your plan?"

Deacon got real quiet on the other end of the line, and she bit her tongue at the sarcasm that threatened to her erupt from her throat, that he'd even _think_ about still going on that tour with that poptart princess prancing around on stage throwing glitter everywhere, no how many damn expensive guitars she had delivered.

"I see."

"I play guitar for people who pay me money. I kinda gotta keep doing it, Ray. That's all this is."

Rayna knew exactly what he was doing. He was redrawing the line. In a way, she knew she should be relieved. But it still hurt a little.

"Right," she said softly. "That's what this is."

It wasn't fair to hold him back, and she knew that. She'd held him back enough already. But the thought of Juliette getting her hands on him in _any_ way made her ridiculously nauseous.

"You know I'd never do that unless you tell me you don't need me, Ray."

 _I do need you_ , Rayna wanted to say. She didn't. Line redrawn.

"It's not off," she said quickly instead. "The tour. I need to do this, Deacon. For a lot of reasons."

Deacon got quiet again for a minute before he spoke. "Well alright then."

"So you're still in?"

"Yeah. I'm in."

"I'll have Bucky call you with details."

Rayna heard the buzz of a bumped guitar string, and smiled automatically.

"You writing?"

"Couldn't sleep," he conceded. "But can't seem to write much either."

Her heart lifted just a little bit. "I'm working on this lyric," she said before she could change her mind. "I'll send it to you. See what you can do with it. And I'm putting you on speaker." She typed the lines into a text message and sent it to him, and a few minutes later, he played her a couple notes, messing around with a tune a little. "How bout you start with this instead?" he offered.

 _The rivers between us run deep…._

 _And dark as the secrets we keep…_

 _We stand on the shores, time runnin by at our feet_

 _Oh, the rivers between us run deep_

"Deacon, that's perfect," she said reverently.

She could hear the little smile in his voice, the soft echo of laughter.

"Guess we still got it, huh?"

"Guess we do," she said lightly, trying to calm the butterflies that suddenly seem to have grown in her stomach. "Then again, the music was never our problem, was it?"

"Sure wasn't. Lemme run through what we got one more time, and then you should go on n' get some sleep. I can finish it. Those girls of yours get up early I bet."

She closed her eyes and soaked in the sound of listening to him play on the speakerphone, all the drama of earlier in the night forgotten.

They've certainly never written like this before, over the phone, and it made her want to laugh and cry at the same time as she added a few lines of her own when he paused.

 _Our love is like the moon._

 _Rising too fast, fading too soon_

 _This night will soon be gone._

 _Help me hold on…_

For tonight, she'd keep pretending it was just a song.

###############################

Rayna woke the next morning curled up on the sofa in the music room. There was already a message waiting in her inbox. _Got it done, changed a few things._ _Play it for ya later._

A small smile crept across her face. 4:35 a.m. He must have been up all night finishing it.

Only a fellow musician would understand. Teddy certainly never had. Then again, she'd never understood his legal jargon and real estate contracts either.

Her shoulders stiff from sleeping on the sofa, she stood and stumbled down to the kitchen, hoping Teddy had already made coffee, because she was ready to mainline several cups.

She was shocked wide awake when she saw Peggy Kentor standing in her kitchen talking to her husband. _What the hell?_

Rayna hung back in the doorway for a second, watching. Teddy was shuffling through a stack of papers, and there something about the way Peggy put her hand on his arm…..

 _He wouldn't do that,_ she silently vetoed her thoughts. _Teddy would never have an affair._

Then again, she'd never thought he would embezzle two million dollars either.

Not to mention it was all of 8 am on a Saturday morning and Peggy was in her kitchen looking like she'd just stepped off the pages of a Good Housekeeping ad, and here she was still wearing the same clothes she'd worn to the Bluebird last night, barefoot with no makeup on and her hair a rumpled mess.

 _I hope this doesn't get back to the country club crowd_ , Rayna thought wryly, looking down at herself.

"Well, this is a surprise!" she said with all the brightness she could muster for so damn early in the morning, announcing her entrance into the room, and running a hand over her hair to smooth it down.

Peggy had the grace to look slightly flushed as she took her hand off Teddy's arm. "Oh hello, Rayna. I didn't realize you hadn't left on your tour yet."

Rayna raised her eyebrows. _I bet you didn't._ _And how the hell does she know about that anyway?_ "Wednesday. We leave Wednesday."

"Peggy's working at the campaign office," Teddy felt the need to explain. "She just dropped off a few papers I needed to sign."

"Oh, that's…nice," Rayna faked the biggest smile humanly possible. _Bless your little heart_ , she thought silently. _I bet that's exactly what the campaign needs._

The girls came tumbling enthusiastically down the stairs then, looking for their weekly dose of Saturday morning chocolate chip pancakes and donuts. With Maddie and Daphne fighting over which chocolate glazed was the biggest in the box, Teddy was left to referee, and Peggy bid them goodbye and headed for the door.

Rayna made a beeline for the coffee maker but she didn't miss out of the corner of her eye that Peggy seemed to pause for a minute before heading out, taking in their family before she left, a wistful look in her eyes.

A frown crossed her face. _He wouldn't…would he?_ She didn't know if she'd be surprised. She didn't even know if it would hurt as much as it should. It struck her that Peggy would make a hell of a lot better politician's wife than she would. Suddenly Teddy's "okay" with her and Deacon going on tour together was starting to make a lot more sense.

After all, as Teddy liked to lay claim during their worst of arguments, she'd been having an "emotional affair" with Deacon for years. She always blew it off as him being ridiculous, but deep down she knew he was right.

"What's the matter?" Teddy asked over the volume. Daphne had turned on the kitchen radio, and Maddie was stirring the pancake mix at the counter while they danced their little hearts out.

She shook her head, and forced a smile. "Nothing. Just having a Saturday morning breakfast with my family, right?"

"It's nice, isn't it," he agreed. "The girls miss this when you're on tour."

The girls, she noticed. Not him. It was always only about the girls.

The song on the radio ended, and a popular DJ came on to speak.

" _Well, if anyone was lucky enough to be present at the Bluebird Café last night, you were in for a treat, as there was a surprise appearance by the one and only Queen of Country Rayna Jaymes. We hear she totally blew the crowd away doing a surprise duet with-."_

Rayna practically spilled her coffee reaching to hit the off button on the radio.

"Hey, I like that guy," Maddie protested. "He plays the Saturday Morning Top 10."

Teddy was staring holes through her now. "You went to the Bluebird last night? Who sang with you? I thought you said you were going to the studio."

But before she could answer, Daphne, anxiously awaiting her turn to pour the chocolate chips in the batter, hit the edge of Maddie's bowl with her arm, sending pancake mix running everywhere, and neatly diverting Rayna's attention to the crisis at hand.

"Mom!" Maddie cried, pointing accusingly at her sister. "Look what you did, dummy!"

"It was an accident," Daphne protested, her eyes growing teary.

"Come on, now," she said, turning her attention away from Teddy and back to the girls. "No calling names. Accidents happen, we can start over." The irony of those words was not lost on her as she met Teddy's eyes over the girls' heads.

In a little while the mess had been cleaned up, a very miffed Maddie had poured more mix into the bowl, Daphne had instead been sent to set the table, and the radio had been turned back on to a different station.

"You didn't answer me," Teddy asked a little while later as he paused, flipping pancakes onto a plate, glancing at the girls in the other room to make sure they couldn't overhear. "Who did you sing with last night, Rayna?"

She couldn't find the words to say it, but the look in his eyes was enough to signify he already knew, and he wasn't a damn bit surprised. She glanced at the kitchen door again, thinking of Peggy with her hand on Teddy's arm, ready to get her hooks into him the minute the bus rolled out of town.

 _My god,_ she thought, rather alarmed. _What the hell are we even still doing together?_

"Mom!" Daphne called from the dining room. "Don't forget the syrup."

The reason why, loud and clear.

Teddy gave her a pained look, then grabbed the plate and the bottle of syrup and stalked into the other room.

Her mind drifted back to when Watty had suggested the tour in the first place.

 _You and Deacon should go out on the road together._

 _Watty, that's a crazy idea!_

Biting her lip, Rayna glanced towards the dining room doorway, and then reached for her phone laying on the counter and hit the button to reply to a 4:35 am message. _I can't wait to hear it._ _See you at rehearsal later?_

The reply was almost instant. She smirked to herself a little, thinking of Deacon and his distaste for technology. Funny him being a "texter" now.

 _Yeah_ , came the reply. _I'll be there._

Suddenly this tour wasn't sounding like such a crazy idea at all.


	4. Chapter 4

Rayna walked into rehearsal promptly a half hour late like usual, looking slightly frazzled, her two girls trailing behind her, the older still in her soccer uniform. Deacon was sitting on the edge of the stage with a guitar in his hands working on the new song they'd written the night before. She couldn't help but smile as she recognized the chorus part he was playing.

"Sorry," she said apologetically. "Maddie's game went into overtime."

"Uncle Deacon!" Maddie and Daphne flew at him for hugs.

"No big deal," he said with a shrug. "It's just us anyway, right? And Bucky isn't here yet." he turned to the taller of her two girls. "Did ya win?"

"Course we did," Maddie raised her hand for a hi-five.

She watched them together. He had always been good with her girls. He had an ease she never expected, plus the patience to answer all their questions, made them laugh, always took the time to teach Maddie new guitar chords, listen to Daphne's endless supply of funny little jokes.

 _He would have been a great dad,_ she thought. It hurt, knowing she'd been the one to take that chance away from him. He didn't even know, didn't suspect a thing. He never had. Instead, he was content to be Uncle Deacon.

"Alright, y'all," she said to her girls. "You can have this big old stage to yourselves while I talk with Deacon and Bucky, and then Aunt Tandy will be here to pick you up soon."

The girls were all over that, climbing the steps to the stage like excited puppies.

"Here," Deacon told Maddie. "Why don't you hold this for me while your mom and I have our meeting?" He handed her his well-worn Gibson.

Maddie's eyes shone. "Really?"

"Sure."

Boy, both of them grabbed a little piece of her heart and yanked hard with that one, Rayna thought miserably as she followed Deacon's retreating figure down the hall to the conference room. The guilt lately was almost too much.

It's not like she's never considered telling him over the years. One excuse after another. She didn't want to upset his sobriety. Maddie was too little. Maddie wouldn't understand.

And now, it seemed, she was finally running out of excuses.

They sat down across from each other at the table and Deacon opened the leather folder where he kept all his charts. "What's your ideas? Where do you wanna start? I was thinking a couple of the older songs, just kinda stripped down, then move into some of your newer ones, I got a couple that we could work on too."

"The old songs. Right", Rayna echoed, her mind wandering back to that first 11 years they'd basically spent doing nothing but being on the road together. She knew what was in that folder. There was pages and pages of songs they had written together over the years with telling names like _Don't Leave Without Me_ and _That Could Be Us,_ songs they wrote when they were together, when they'd just go onstage every night and pour everything in their souls into the music. It had always come out in the music, so intense that the emotional aftermath was sometimes overwhelming. Meet and greets were never after the shows, only before, and there was a damn good reason for that. Even on a night they were pissed off at the world and each other, by the time the show was over, they'd be making up on the nearest hard surface.

Rayna didn't even want to think about how many of those old songs had been written sans-clothing.

Thinking about it now made her blush a little.

"What if we just throw all that old stuff on its ear and start over?" she said quickly. "Some of the faster ones from the last couple years. Maybe write a bunch of new ones?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "Well Ray we can do whatever we want, but the first show is at the end of the week, remember? And it's not anyone else on that stage. No back up. Just you and me."

Her eyes met his. "Like at the Bluebird last night?" she said quietly. "Because that's what this is, right?"

"Yeah," he said cautiously. "That's what this is."

She knew exactly what the hell this was. And they were playing dangerously close to the fire.

She let out a long slow sigh. "People are talking."

"Ray, you never used to care what anyone thought."

"That was before I had a family to think about, Deacon."

He seemed to digest this for a minute, before he spoke quietly. "You freakin out a little?"

"Maybe just a little." She admitted. "But I need this. My career is going nowhere without this tour."

He knew it was the truth, but somehow it wasn't exactly the answer he'd wanted to hear. Back in the day the Rayna Jaymes he knew would have practically done it for nothing except the pure enjoyment of getting to make the music she loved.

"Hey, we can do this," he said firmly. "We're gonna figure this out. And the first couple shows are real small anyway, only about 500 people Bucky said. Give us a chance to work out the kinks. And you know what, let's give em something to talk about. A damn good show."

A slightly uncertain smile slid across Rayna's face. "Thanks, Deacon. Really." She laid her hand across his arm in familiar gesture.

Bucky walked in then, and she quickly pulled her hand back, the moment lost.

She sat across from him and tried to listen while Bucky went over the schedule, press arrangements, mention of a photoshoot for the tour the next week that made her laugh and Deacon let out a groan.

Tandy blazed through the door a little bit later.

"Sorry to interrupt," she said cheerfully. "Can I borrow my sister?"

"Uh, sure."

As soon as Bucky and Deacon had left the room, Tandy dropped the entertainment section of today's _Tennessean_ on the table.

Rayna winced. Right on the front there was a picture of her and Deacon from at the Bluebird the night before. People were definitely talking.

"Are you trying to ruin Teddy's political career before it starts?" Tandy demanded. "The election is in a month, Rayna. He's having a hard enough time already getting his numbers up."

Rayna rolled her eyes. "Bucky already gave an official statement that we were launching a tour. Don't you worry your pretty little head, it's been taken care of."

"You're holding his hand!"

"We're friends, Tandy. It was completely innocent."

"You cannot stick to being friends with that man, and you know it," Tandy said incredulously. "This tour is a terrible idea. I think you need to call it off. Teddy and the girls need you here. Daddy's going to have a fit when he sees that picture."

"Alright, enough." Rayna stood up from the table. "Don't play the guilt card with me, you sound just like him. I don't know what the two of you have up your sleeves but it's obvious he has a reason for getting Teddy elected. What is it? What does he want? The new baseball stadium? Is that it?"

"Don't change the subject," Tandy pursed her lips together.

"I'm done talking about it," Rayna stalked towards the door.

"You know…Mom had an affair."

"What?" Tandy's words stopped her in her tracks. She turned back, incredulously.

"You heard me. For almost 10 years. Why do you think daddy's so hard on you, Rayna? You're too much like her, and you don't even realize it." Tandy said without hesitation. "Don't do it."

"I don't believe she'd ever do that," Rayna said vehemently. "I can't believe you'd even taint her memory by saying that!"

"Well, it's true. Don't throw away your marriage like she did. You owe Teddy."

"If you want to talk about Teddy," Rayna said, her voice rising, "why don't we talk about how much time he's been spending with Peggy Kentor lately. Sometimes I don't know why I ever listened to any of you back then." After all, it was Tandy and Lamar who had convinced her not to tell Deacon he was Maddie's father in the first place.

"Because," Tandy said without hesitation. "It was the right thing to do, and you know it."

Rayna said nothing, and Tandy stalked out of the room.

Rubbing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths to regain her composure and then walked out, but she was still angry.

Her anger melted away as she watched, feeling her heart rise up in her throat as Deacon sat on the edge of the stage with Maddie while Daphne danced around on the stage behind them. Maddie still had his guitar in her hands and it was a little too big for her, but she didn't care. Her eyes were as bright as diamonds as she played a new song Rayna had been hearing her practice a lot lately, pausing when she got to a certain part.

"See this is where I always get stuck," Maddie explained.

"Try this instead," Deacon suggested, showing her a different way to position her fingers to play the chord.

 _It could have been this way_ , Rayna thought sadly. _For last decade._

"Sure. It's an old one anyway. I'm sure that poor old guitar of your mama's could use a break," he said, shooting Maddie a wink. "After all she did beat the life out of it trying to learn to play it."

Maddie laughed. "She still tries sometimes. She's still awful. Don't tell I told you! I wonder where I get my playing from sometimes. My dad sure isn't musical."

It was like a kick in the heart all over again, hearing Maddie say those words. Because she knew exactly where her daughter had gotten that talent, and he was sitting right next to her.

"Can we have another lesson when you and Mom are back from the tour?" Maddie asked as she held out the guitar to give it back to Deacon.

"Sure thing. But you know what?" Deacon said thoughtfully. "Why don't you hold onto this one for me until we get back? It'll give you something a little better to practice on.

Maddie looked as if someone had just handed her a check for a million dollars. "Are you serious?" she said, her eyes growing huge.

Rayna watched as Deacon handed it back to their daughter and Maddie took it as if it were made of glass.

"I'll take really good care of it," Maddie promised.

"I'm not worried, sweetie. Keep it as long as you want."

Tandy appeared next to Rayna then, her face still wearing that pained expression as she also watched the scene in front of her. She knew her sister well enough to read the look in her eyes.

"Don't even think about it, Rayna" she murmured.

"She's _my_ daughter, Tandy, not yours." Rayna said with quiet force. "Do not tell me how to raise my children. You and Daddy have done enough of that."

"Yes she is your daughter," Tandy agreed. "And you made her Teddy's daughter too. Don't take that away from him."

"I would never do that to Teddy. But I'm thinking more lately that it's time. They deserve to know. Things aren't the same as they were back then."

"Do you really want to blow up her life like that?" Tandy reminded. "And his. You don't know how he'd react, Rayna. He could be back in a bar in ten minutes flat."

Rayna stared at her sister. "He's been sober for almost 13 years. He wouldn't do that."

Tandy didn't say anything else, and that awful question hung in the air.

Rayna was left standing there as Tandy walked forward. She was taking the girls to an afternoon movie and for manicures while they finished setting up and rehearsing for the tour.

"Alright, girls. Time to go. I'm sure your mom and Deacon have a lot of things to go through, why don't we get out of their hair, huh?"

Maddie and Daphne both looked disappointed to leave.

"Bye, girls," Rayna kissed their cheeks. "Have a fun afternoon, and I'll see you later."

She watched them go, wishing she could scoop them up and hold them close like when they were babies, protect them from everything.

"Hey," Deacon asked as soon as they were alone again. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, forcing a smile.

He didn't think she was fine. She had been earlier when she walked in, but whatever Tandy had said had clearly affected her.

He'd tried real hard over the years to like Rayna's sister. Tandy didn't like him much. They tolerated each other and that was about it. And he understood. She was the big sister, trying to look out for Ray after their mama had died. But somehow she'd turned out a little too much like Lamar, and that didn't sit well with him.

Tandy always seemed to be looking at him like she expected him to pull a flask of whiskey out of his boot and take a swig any second.

"You sure?"

Rayna put a hand on his arm. "Deacon, really. I'm fine. That was real nice, you letting Maddie borrow that guitar. You didn't have to do that."

"Hey come on," he said with an easy smile. "I love your kids, Ray. And Maddie has serious talent. They both do. You're gonna have a problem on your hands in about three years. They'll be demanding a contract and a spot on your tour before you know it."

She couldn't help but laugh, and just like that, the tension that had been plaguing her all day eased out of her shoulders.

"Come on," she said, gesturing towards the stage. "Find yourself another guitar. I want to hear that song from last night."

"Yes, ma'am."

##################

It was late, after 11 pm by the time they'd gotten everything nailed down.

Rayna sat right down in the middle of the stage, exhausted. "Well, that should do it, huh?" She said, tired but happy with the progress of the day. "We leave on Wednesday, head to Knoxville first."

"Yep," Deacon sat down next to her. "This'll be a good show, Ray, you'll see. People will see you still got it. And hell, we got enough songs from over the years to make another album. Or ten," he said, amused. "So that ain't anything to worry about."

"Nope. I'm not ready to hang up my rhinestones yet."

She tilted her head and looked at him thoughtfully. "You ever think about that still?"

"What? Us making another album?"

"We always said we were gonna, Deacon. And things got so…offtrack."

"You got married while I was in rehab Ray," he said quietly. "That's how it got offtrack."

It hurt, but she knew he was only speaking the truth. Deacon had never been once to mince words.

She nodded. "We could do it now, though. Think of what that would do for both our careers. And we have three months ahead of us on the road to write. Wouldn't it be great to just take it and drop it on Marshall Evan's desk and tell him to stick it? For me, anyway. A couple of your songs, a couple of mine, and a couple duets. Easy as pie, right?"

In her mind, she knew it was a crazy idea, even crazier than the tour in the first place. But writing with him last night and being on stage next to him all afternoon had been better than she imagined. She felt _alive_ , like there was more truth in her music than she had felt in a very long time.

After all the critics in the last year who had said her music was missing something, losing something...she was pretty sure she'd just gotten it back.

He _should_ be there. She'd made him backup for way too long.

Deacon laughed, and it echoed through the wide open space around them. "I don't think your husband would like the idea too much, though. He already doesn't like the idea that I'm gonna be on your bus for three months."

"Well, Deacon, it's not like you've never been on my bus before."

He raised his eyebrows and smirked at her. "Are we still talking about buses?"

She bumped her knee playfully with his. "Come on, now. And besides, I think Teddy is too busy to be the next mayor of Nashville to care who I'm on tour with." Abruptly, she stopped laughing, thinking again of Teddy and Peggy Kentor.

"You really think we should do it, huh?" he said thoughtfully. "That's gonna take up the next year or so. That's a lot of time in the studio, a lot of time….well, together, Ray. I mean, you didn't even like the idea of this tour too much until today."

"Yeah," she said quietly, with a smile, her eyes meeting his, the butterflies dancing in her stomach. "I really do. And I'm more excited about the tour now."

"Then let's do it. Let's make a damn album."

Content with how the day had ended, she nodded and stood up. "See you on Wednesday morning, Deacon."

"Go on, I'll turn the lights off and close up."

Deacon watched her as she gathered her purse and headed for the door looking tired but certainly happier. Wednesday. Just a few days.

He had a feeling they were both in for a hell of a ride on that bus.

 **Okay, I will stop teasing you all now. Next chapter they'll be on tour, I swear!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Raleigh**

The first show was a disaster. Every single thing about it. Deacon was pretty sure they hadn't played a set this bad since that one in Dallas about 20 years ago, when he had been more than a few sheets to the wind and Rayna had been battling the stomach flu but insisted on going onstage anyway.

He didn't know where the hell exactly they'd gone wrong. The last few days had been a whirlwind of hitting the road, press engagements, rehearsals, and radio interviews, not much time to think about anything else, but it had gone as smooth as to be expected. Expectations were high, and now that the press was on it, had gone up a notch. So much for working out the kinks in the first few shows. But Rayna was tense, and the crowd could feel it. Hell, _he_ could feel it from three feet away from her. They had agreed to try and stick to some of her newer, faster songs but it didn't work as well and felt empty without backup. The entire set felt flat. During the slow songs she barely looked him in the eye. Half of the not-very big anyway crowd left before the show was even over, looking disappointed. He honestly didn't blame them too much. When your heart wasn't in it, theirs wasn't either. And hers wasn't.

Deacon stood on the stage for a long time while the lighting and sound guys were packing up, watching the last people filter out of the theater, frowning at the rows of now-empty seats.

Again, he thought, _Where the hell did we go wrong?_

The stage had always been the place where everything was right with the two of them.

"Don't sweat it, bro." Grady, the lighting and sound guy said from behind him where he was packing up equipment. "I guess everyone's allowed one bad night in twenty something years, even the Queen of Country _._ Or maybe it was just a hard crowd."

"Guess so," he shook his head and walked off the stage to the left. Maybe everyone else was allowed it, but not Rayna. He knew her better than that. He'd been watching her put her heart and soul into every second of her performances for the last 24 years.

She was already on the bus waiting when he got back, pacing back and forth in the small space. He sat on the edge of the table and watched as she paced.

"That was awful," she admitted, pausing to brush her hair out of her face. "My god, that was like going back to the beginning awful."

"Well, I'm not gonna argue with you there," he said mildly. "It sucked. 100 percent."

She glared at him. "Deacon, that is not helping."

"Just being honest. The rehearsals were fine, Ray, so what happened?"

Rayna sunk into the bench seat next to the table, and took a deep breath. "It's been a long time since we did some of those songs. Things were different with us then. It's hard to sing some of them, because we were…you know…."

She dragged her eyes up to his, and he got the words she wasn't saying, and how hard it was for her to admit it, and some little part of him that always kept that tiny piece of hope alive ached all over again.

In love. They were in love the last time they had sang most of those songs alone on stage.

That's what made 'em hurt so much. She was sitting up there trying to sing without feeling anything, and failing. And now they were supposed to spend the next three months on that damn bus together pretending that neither of them still cared. After the Bluebird the other night, they weren't just pouring gasoline on the fire by doing this tour, they were holding the lit match.

"You know," he said, drawing out a long sigh. "You can't…not look at me onstage. Or we're going to be playing crappy shows to nobody but empty seats by the time this is over, and your career is gonna go nowhere. You can't sing and not feel, Ray. It's not you." _It's not us,_ he wanted to say.

Their gazes locked, and she felt her heart start to race.

Damn him, how he could still do that to her with just a look.

"Talk to me," he said quietly, "Tell me what's going on."

"I'm fine, Deacon."

"You're not fine," He shook his head. "I think part of the problem is that you have too many things going on in your head right now, Ray. You're still back home with your girls and worrying about your family, and I get that, but…. you're not 100% here. I can tell. You were always the one who gave me that lecture about being all in on tour, darlin. And right now you're not."

Rayna got real quiet for a moment, knowing there was absolute truth to what he said. All she'd been thinking about for the last few days was the girls when she'd left them behind on Wednesday morning, how Daphne had cried until Teddy gently pulled her away, the way Maddie had tried to be strong for her sister, but her tears crept out anyway. They'd done this so many times, but it never got easier. She'd never left things such a mess at home before.

Teddy's words were eating away at her as well. _Will you be home in a month for the election? I could use your support._

She couldn't answer him. She honestly didn't know. And Teddy had looked disappointed, a little angry…. hugged her goodbye, kissed her on the cheek, but it was obvious it was only for the sake of their teary-eyed girls watching.

And then there was the concerns about her career and Marshall Evans breathing down her neck as well about that damn greatest hits album he wanted to release.

"I used to be better at that," she said quietly. "Leaving it all at home."

Deacon slid off the table and onto the bench next to her.

Something about it was so comforting, his thigh against hers, the way his eyebrows furrowed and his blue eyes worried about her, that for a second she forgot the concerns about home and her career and the crappy show they'd just played.

"Talk," he repeated.

"About what?"

"The girls. Your life. Teddy."

"You want me to talk about my husband?" she laughed.

There was a sadness to it that didn't go unnoticed by him. He'd watched her and Teddy say goodbye three days ago, and something was definitely off between the two of them. And sure, maybe it was none of his business, but if she was _his_ woman, he sure as hell wouldn't have let her go off on tour for three months with nothing more than a forced hug and a chaste peck on the cheek.

He would have kissed her until her knees gave out.

"If that's what you want to talk about," he said with a shrug. "Yeah, why not?"

She sat quietly, tracing a pattern on the table in front of her with her fingertip, not quite knowing where to start.

Sometimes the things you wanted to say and the things you _needed_ to say just didn't quite match up.

With a sigh, Deacon reached over and pointed to her hand. "Take that off."

"Deacon, that's my wedding ring," her voice faltered. "I can't do that."

"Just for a few minutes," he said. "Humor me, alright?"

Reluctantly she slid it off her finger and gently set it on the table in front of her and she just stared at it for the longest time. 13 years, she'd kept the promises made with that ring. Was it wrong that she felt ten times lighter with it off? Like the weight of all she was keeping silent had been lifted.

And patiently, Deacon waited, sitting next to her, he stared at it too.

That ring and a Jack Daniels bottle had taken everything he'd ever wanted.

Finally, Rayna wearily rubbed her temples with her index fingers and spoke. "There's been some…financial problems in the last year. Teddy lost his spot on the board at the bank. We're not doing too well on…liquid assets right now. And frankly, I'd like to keep living in my house, so I'm trying to figure out how to get my career back on track and do that."

He digested this for a moment. "Well that…sucks. And Teddy thinks he's gonna solve all this by running for mayor and working for Lamar, huh?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's…complicated."

"That's something I never thought he was," Deacon said wryly. He stood up and slid out of the booth, and walked over to the sofa nearby, where a guitar ever waited, picked it up and made himself comfortable picking out a quiet tune.

One tear escaped, and she quickly swiped it away. There was more, so much more she wanted to say. But she didn't. She couldn't bear to see that look of pity from him of all people. _I think my husband is a thief and a cheater._ That ring just laid there on the table for the longest time, until finally with a heavy sigh she picked it up and slid it back onto her finger.

She stared out the window into the dark, the scenery a blur as it rolled by. They were off again, onto the next city, the next show. Three months. On tour. Just her and Deacon.

She knew just like other times, they'd be driving each other crazy more than likely by the end of the tour. She liked to sleep in, she had a tendency to make them late for everything. She hated it when he played guitar on the bus too early in the morning, he hated it when she left her shoes wherever she kicked em off convenient enough to trip over. They always fought over who forgot to refill the coffee maker. Doing all that while being on limited space going down the highway and living out of hotel rooms would make anyone cranky after three months.

And still, she knew if she could get her heart fully into it, they'd both love every damn second of it. There was a thrill that came with being on the road, rolling into a different city every day, playing for a new crowd every night, that only people like them would understand. Teddy had never understood.

With a heavy heart, she got up and went and sat down next to Deacon.

"Maybe you need to write," he said, picking out a few more notes on his guitar.

"Maybe," she gave a small smile. "Seemed like it went pretty good the other night when we did, huh? Like we….used to."

"Well, maybe not _exactly_ like we used to," his eyes teased and his mouth curved up into a grin.

She bumped his knee with hers. "You know what I meant. We should start working on songs for that album anyway, right?"

"Sure," Deacon leaned forward, and for a second, their faces were just inches apart, so close she could feel him breathe, almost taste that kiss, just like the other night in his truck at the Bluebird. It had been so long since she'd gotten one of those kisses from him, that it left an ache that went through every inch of her, all the way to her toes. It was almost unbearable when he reached around her instead, leaned over and grabbed a notebook laying nearby. "What you want to write about, Ray?" When he said it, his voice was right next to her ear, a low sexy sound tinged with amusement, and her skin tingled where the fabric of his flannel shirt brushed her bare shoulder.

Her pulse was racing, and she could feel the flush rise in her neck, not only by the fact that he could still do that to her, but by the fact that she _wanted_ him to.

Yes indeed, she still remembered exactly what it felt like to kiss Deacon.

And damn him, if he wasn't reading her thoughts again, sitting there with that guitar in his hand and a little smirk on his face.

 _Oh my god, this is absurd_ , she thought to herself, silently berating her own behavior. _Get it together, girl._

She raised her eyebrows and gave him a little "look" of her own, and then reached for the notebook next to him. "Give me that."

Deacon watched intently as she scribbled on the paper, and then tossed it back to him, chewing on the end of the pen.

He laughed as he read what she'd written.

 _I got demons riding shotgun, tellin me not to go_

 _but what they don't know_

 _is I'm already gone._

 _"_ Demons, huh?" he surmised. "Guess we both got enough of those. It's a rough road we've been down. You and me both."

"It certainly has," she murmured.

He reached over and took the paper from her, scratched out the words she'd written, and wrote something else in its place. "Try this instead."

Rayna looked down at the paper he'd handed back and read the words silently to herself.

 _It's a hard road honey_

 _And there ain't nobody I'd rather be next to_

 _It's a rough ride, Baby, but we're gonna make it_

 _Together, me and you_

 _When you're tired I'll grab the wheel_

 _And you take over when I'm done_

 _Love is taking turns_

 _riding shotgun_

It was hell trying to keep the tears from blurring her vision, how he always knew how to say everything she couldn't so perfectly. She _couldn't_ say it. She still had a wedding ring on her finger and two little girls at home. But he could. And he never had hesitated to.

She raised her eyes to his, and his expression was sad. "Too much, huh? How bout we finish this tomorrow?" he said quietly.

He stood up and made a motion to head towards the other end of the bus, where there was a nice narrow bunk with his name on it, although sleep? That was doubtful. Too much on his mind now.

"Hey Deacon?" She said tentatively.

He turned back slowly. "Yeah?"

 _I could do it,_ she thought, shocking herself just a little. _I could walk right over there and kiss him….and we both know where it would go._ "Thanks for the talk."

The vulnerability in her eyes hit him hard. Sometimes he wondered if he might be the only one who realized she wasn't unflappable, wasn't made of steel after all.

He'd wondered for a long time why the hell Teddy Conrad couldn't see that.

He nodded. "That show tonight was just… reminding the world you're human and not perfect, Ray. Sometimes there ain't anything wrong with that. Tomorrow night we'll kick ass, you'll see."

"Right," If anything, Deacon was always honest with her. She could depend on that.

"You know, maybe you oughta think that it's not so much where you've been." he said quietly. "It's where you're going that matters."

"And whose riding shotgun, right?" She said softly, her eyes searching his knowingly.

His face broke into a little smile. "Right. G'night, Ray."

"Night, Deacon."

She watched him go, and looked down at the notepad in her hand, and started to write, adding to the start he'd given her.

 _Your heart was mine_

 _When you walked in…_

 _############################################_

 _ **Atlanta**_

"You ready for this?" Deacon asked as he stood in the wings next to her waiting for the emcee to call them onstage, his guitar slung behind his shoulder. "Let's give em a show, huh?"

She nodded, her eyes meeting his.

It was different now, and he could see it. Everything that had been dragging her down last night was gone, and the determination, the excitement, the pure love of why they both were in this business in the first place, they were all there.

She was back on top of her game.

Rayna nodded, reached over and put her hand in his arm. "Thanks for being here, Deacon," she said softly. "Sometimes I wonder why you still are."

He gave her that look again, the one she'd seen a lot lately, where he'd give her the smile, but his eyes were so sad that it killed her. "Pretty sure you know why, Ray."

He walked out onstage, and she followed, pasting a big smile on her face, waving to the crowd as they sat down next to each other, and after a short introduction, launched into the song they'd finished only that afternoon.

 _When did you know_

 _Your heart was mine_

 _You told the tale_

 _So many times_

 _There's nothing better_

 _We've got to do_

 _With all these miles to get to_

 _Where we're going to_

 _It's a hard road honey and there ain't nobody_

 _I'd rather be next to_

 _It's a rough ride baby but we're gonna make it_

 _Together me and you_

 _When you're tired I'll grab the wheel_

 _And you take over when I'm done_

 _Love is taking turns ridin shotgun_

 _When did you know_

 _Tell me again_

 _My heart was yours_

 _When you walked in_

 _You made a vow_

 _To hold it deep_

 _And you kept your promise to me all these years_

 _It's a hard road honey and there ain't nobody_

 _I'd rather be next to_

 _It's a rough ride baby but we're gonna make it_

 _Together me and you_

 _When you're tired I'll grab the wheel_

 _And you take over when I'm done_

 _Love is taking turns ridin shotgun_

 _It's you and me_

 _Against the world_

 _You are my man_

 _And I'm your girl_

 _And when we're old_

 _I'll take your hand_

 _And ask you then when did you know_

 _Tell me again…._

This time, Rayna had no problem looking him in the eye, no problem feeling the truth in every word. She wanted to say some many things, almost forgot an audience was in front of them at all until they rose for a standing ovation. She hardly noticed, her eyes were only on his, and his were only on her.

Instead, she didn't say anything.

She just took his hand.


	6. Chapter 6

**2 WEEKS LATER**

 **New York City**

 _"Do you know how much I've missed this?" she murmured, reaching out with one fingertip to trace the stubble across his jawline._

 _His eyes crinkled into a smile. "A lot."_

 _"Yeah," she whispered. "A lot."_

 _He leaned over to kiss his way across her neck, his mouth tracing a path against her skin like a hot trail of fire before finding her lips. His hands moved to her hips to roll them as one, and then he was pressing her back into the mattress, the sheets tangling around them as he moved against her. This love was the sweetest kind, and in the shadows of the dark she said his name with a hint of pure desperation.  
"Deacon, please….don't stop…." _

Rayna awoke with a start, disoriented for a moment, glancing around the bus before she realized her head had been leaning against the soft flannel material of a familiar shoulder. Deacon. She'd fallen asleep there on the sofa against Deacon's shoulder when they'd been writing the night before. It had been late by the time they hit the road after the D.C show, and even though she could tell he was tired, he'd stayed up with her anyway, churning out yet another new song as the wheels rolled under them.

 _I've had these lyrics in my head all day, Deacon. Can we just get em down quick?_

He'd agreed without hesitation. He understood what that was like, to have it consume you until you could think of nothing else but getting it on paper and hearing it outloud, making it come alive.

Teddy had never understood, all those times she'd locked herself in the music room for hours upon hours to do just that. _I just need to get it down, Teddy._

 _Can't it wait, Rayna?_

She glanced up at Deacon and realized he was wide awake and had been for who knows how long, his blue eyes watching her with a slight hint of amusement.

"Mornin."

"Good morning," she murmured, her face flushing a little as she recalled that dream, how real it had seemed, how real it had _felt_. Too real. She sat up quickly and smoothed her hair, trying to regain her dignity as the images flashed through her mind. _Deacon, please don't stop_.

God, she _wouldn't_ have said that outloud….would she?

"Didn't want to wake you," he said easily in explanation, his voice quiet.

Rayna rose quickly, avoiding his eyes, heading straight for the coffee maker. "Well…thanks for that. Must have been more tired than I thought. So three days in the Big Apple, huh? Should be fun. Maybe a little free time, we've hardly had any." The first of their two shows at the Beacon Theater wasn't until the next night, and besides the radio interview tomorrow morning, the schedule for the first time was relatively uncluttered.

Two weeks now, they'd been on the road putting the miles behind them all the way up the east coast. Two weeks. Sure, the first show had been a disaster, but after that everything had fallen into place as easy as it ever had with them. Onstage, they were killing it every night. The reviews were great, there was talk of extra shows being added onto the end of the tour, and she was thrilled at the list of new songs piling up. The idea of an album was becoming more real every day. The rumors about the two of them, however, were running rampant in the tabloids.

And honestly, Rayna thought as she sipped coffee from a travel mug and studied him leaning back against the couch, she wasn't a damn bit surprised about a single one of those rumors.

Onstage, they'd sure as hell been giving people something to talk about.

"Guess you could say that," Deacon reached for the guitar that had been set aside the night before and easily picked out the melody for the new song they'd written called "Remind Me _"_. "Me, I'll probably just hide out in my hotel room for a couple days, work on fixing up some of these new songs."

An unexpected pang of yearning hit her heart to hear him say that. They'd used to do _exactly_ that after shows, just disappear for days from the outside world, spending hours in bed, only leaving long enough to answer the door for room service, or maybe make it as far as the shower or the Jacuzzi tub. They'd lay there content with nothing but to be tangled up in each other and surrounded by sheets of paper, songs they might not never finish and some that they finished in ten minutes.

It struck her now that the story of her history with Deacon was the one song that had never been finished. Even after all these years it was raw, unpolished. Missing verses. But the chorus was always the same.

She wondered if they'd ever finish it.

"Right," Rayna said, swallowing hard. "Well maybe then I'll try to catch a show or something while we're here. Look up a couple old friends."

Because they worked together, and they wrote together, and that was it.

They certainly did not spend three days holed up in hotel rooms together.

No matter how much she thought she might want to.

Deacon's eyes followed her as she moved around the small space, and it was unnerving, like he _knew._ He always knew what she was thinking.

Rayna silently berated herself for even contemplating those thoughts. No matter what was happening at home with her and Teddy, she still had a ring on her finger and two girls who had no idea their parents' marriage was on the very of imploding.

The phone on the table nearby buzzed, and she reached for it, relieved for something to break up the silence. Maddie and Daphne's faces instantly filled the screen on the Facetime app.

"My babies!" she said, her heart singing at the sight of their pretty smiles as she sat down on the edge of the sofa. It looked like they were snuggled together in bed in Maddie's room. Daphne immediately took control of the phone.

"Mom, where are you?"

"Well, we're on the bus, sweetheart. Almost to New York City. How are things going there?"

"We miss you." Daphne pouted. "When are you coming home?"

"Oh baby, it's only been a few weeks, I know it seems like forever."

Maddie grabbed the phone from her sister. "Mom, I got an A on that big science test yesterday! Remember the one I was telling you about?"

Deacon, on the couch next to Rayna, couldn't hold back his grin as he listened to the girls ramble on and scuffle over the phone. "The miracle of modern technology."

"It's Facetime." Rayna said, amused, as she patiently waited for the girls to stop arguing over who got to hold the phone next.

"Face-what?"

Daphne giggled on the screen. "I hear Uncle Deacon, Mom. Put him on we wanna say hi."

All that technology was lost on Deacon, and he shook his head when Rayna gestured him to scoot over. She moved closer to him instead, and Maddie's face on the screen lit up when she saw Deacon in the shot.

"I learned a new song," Maddie said happily. "With those chords you taught me." She had his guitar in her hands now.

He smiled. "I see you're making real good use out of that old thing."

"I'm taking the best care of it ever," Maddie promised.

Daphne rolled her eyes and bumped her head into the picture. "That's 'cause she'll hardly put it down for two seconds!"

"Can I play it, Mom? My song?"

"Sure, sweetie. Go ahead."

"Um…Mom? Can you give the phone to Deacon?"

Amused, Rayna raised her eyebrows and looked at Deacon.

He just grinned and took the phone from her.

Sitting there next to him, watching him holding the phone and listen to Maddie play together, the guilt she'd thought she'd overcome in the last couple weeks erupted to the surface again. He looked so proud of her.

 _Of course he does,_ she thought.

He'd taught her those chords.

He'd given his daughter a little piece of himself and he had no idea.

"I'm gonna give you back to your mama now." Deacon said to Maddie encouragingly. "Keep working on that song, you're doing great."

"I think we need to go, Dad's calling us for school," Maddie said, and on the screen Daphne's pout lip emerged again. "Love you, Mom. Bye, Uncle Deacon."

"Love you too, babies."

The screen went black.

Rayna stared at it for a minute, tears threatening to erupt.

"Those are some girls you got there," Deacon said lightly.

"I sure do," she said quietly. Anything. She would have done anything to keep those smiles on their faces.

"Hey," he said, gently bumping his knee with hers. "You alright?"

She forced a smile, and forced the tears away. "I'm fine, Deacon. It's just…hard, you know?"

He knew. He'd been watching her leave the girls behind many times over the years. Maybe Teddy had been the one on the other end thinking he had it harder, but he'd been the one on _this_ end. He'd seen her over and over again Rayna trying to balance the guilt of leaving them with building a career she loved and was born to do.

"They're tough though, like their mama. And they know you always come home to them."

"Right," she said softly. "Thanks for being here. For all of this. You've always been here, and maybe sometimes I…just don't say enough how much it means."

Deacon had that look on his face again, such a mixture of regret, and a little sad around the edges, an only half-way smile that didn't quite make it to his eyes. He didn't say anything, but his eyes said enough.

So she hugged him, before she could stop herself. Just leaned over and put her arms around his neck, and hugged him harder than she'd ever hugged anyone. She didn't let go, she _refused_ to let go, until she felt his hands creep around her middle and rest in the small of her back, heard his soft sigh against her neck. Crossing the line? Maybe. In that moment she didn't give a damn.

"Ray," he murmured next to her ear. "We shouldn't be doin this."

"I know," she whispered, her voice muffled against his shoulder. "Just for a minute. Please?" She soaked it in, just the simplest pleasure of feeling her chest pressed against his, of his hands lightly stroking her back, tangling in the edge of her hair. Every fiber of her body hurt, she wanted it so bad. In all the years of being married to Teddy, this is what had been missing, she was realizing more and more lately. It was the physical side of being close to someone, of them holding your hand, or putting an arm around your waist, or hugging you close. Maybe they'd tried, in the beginning, but somewhere along the way they'd both stopped trying.

Rayna didn't know how long they stayed liked that, until over his shoulder she realized out the window they'd stopped moving who knows how long ago, and were parked in back of the Manhattan hotel.

Deacon was the first one to pull away, slowly rising to his feet. "C'mon," he said. "Let's go get checked into this big fancy hotel you picked and maybe we can get some breakfast and walk around the city or something. It'll make you feel better about missing the girls."

She shook her head. "Really, Deacon, you don't have to do that. I know how much you hate crowds and all."

"I do," he said, his eyes crinkling up. "And I might not offer again, so you better take me up on it."

####################################

It turned out they never made it too far around the city. An hour after they'd checked into their separate suites, Deacon was knocking on her door. "You ready?"

Rayna let him in, and he realized she was still in a bathrobe, fresh from the shower with her hair a tangled mess. "Ray, really?" he sighed. "How dressed up do you have to be to walk around the city?"

"It'll only take a few minutes," Rayna promised. "I just need to fix my hair and grab something to wear. And shoes. I need shoes."

"Famous last words," he said wryly, watching as she hurried back into the bathroom and closed the door.

"Why don't y'all just go on back to your room, Deacon," Rayna called, her voice muffled. "A half hour. I promise."

By the time she got down to his room on the next floor, artfully glammed up but not too extreme, it was exactly 105 minutes later and Deacon had already given in and ordered room service for breakfast. He knew her too damn well, she thought, bemused, as she rapped on his door this time instead and waited patiently.

It was flung open a few seconds later, and she stepped inside.

"You ready?" she asked, echoing his earlier words.

"Yup," Deacon said without hesitation, gesturing to the guitar in his hands. "Just let me put this away."

By the time he returned from the other room, Rayna was already making herself comfortable on the sofa, picking at his tray of French toast and blueberries, and reaching for the tv remote control. "Why did you order blueberries? You hate blueberries."

"It was all they had. I thought we were going?" Deacon said wryly. "I was counting on you dragging me to at least one crappy art museum you know I'd go crazy in."

"Now Deacon, I know how much you love crappy art museums and all," Rayna said, keeping her eyes very intently on the movie guide that had popped up on the screen. "But you know what? Let's just stay right here."

He watched her, the way she stared at that tv like her life depended on it.

 _Let's just stay right here._

That sure as hell sounded good to him.

Later, after Deacon had forced her to watch one too many westerns, and she'd forced him to watch at least two sappy movie of the week specials, and they'd half written three more songs, they were still right there. The hours had crept by as they laid there with her bare feet meeting his boots in the middle of the sofa and him with the ever present guitar in his hands, never seeming to be at a loss for words or lyrics or conversation. It was contentment in its purest form, nothing but the simple pleasure of each other's company without the wheels of a bus rolling under them.

And then somehow Deacon didn't know how it had ended up like this that they shifted so close to each other once again, but here he was for the second night in a row asleep with Rayna's sweet beautiful head on his shoulder.

"Ray," he shook her awake gently. "You should go back to your room."

"Deacon," she murmured in her sleep with a soft sigh, much like she had earlier that morning on the bus. He smirked. God, she'd be embarrassed as hell if she knew what she'd sounded like. _That must have been some dream._

Resigned, he eased out from under her, and gently shifted her back against the sofa, covering her with a blanket from nearby. He knelt there for a minute next to her as she slept, just content to watch the steady rhythm of her breathing and her hair fanned out around her, resisting the urge to reach out and run a hand across her cheek. She looked so young that way, asleep, and it took him back to all those years ago, the reality that he'd spent over half his lifetime in love with this woman. Even after all these years and all the things that had happened between them, she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on

He couldn't deny it, and he never really had. It wasn't like Rayna didn't know. All his songs were about her.

They used to make jokes about falling in love ten minutes after they met, but it was true. She'd had him instantly, from the first notes he'd ever heard her sing, from the determination in her eyes to go out and get what she wanted. She'd been sixteen, not much more than a kid, really, completely naïve in real world experience and yet so wise beyond her years from the loss and heartache of losing her mother at such a young age. He'd been older, not phased by the struggle to make it. Struggle was all he'd ever known. They balanced each other somehow, and even now all these years later, he thought they still did a pretty good damn job of doing that, keeping each other in check.

And he'd never given up hope, not really. Not when he came out of rehab that fifth time and discovered she was engaged to Teddy Conrad. Not when first one baby girl and then another had come, babies she'd made with someone who wasn't him. Not as the years crept by and she stayed married to Teddy and he kept playing in her band and they evolved into this…well, whatever it was, this thing of theirs that had never really had the right name. Friendship? He guessed you could call it that, but it never seemed like enough. Family. He didn't have much of that in his life, but if anyone asked, he would have put Ray and her girls in his.

He'd learned to live with it, this thing they had, but it didn't mean moments like this it didn't still hurt like hell.

With a heavy sigh, he leaned over and kissed her forehead gently. "Night, Ray."

And then for the 4,756th night in a row, he went to sleep in the other room in a bed without her in it.

#################################

Rayna awoke early the next morning to the soft sounds of a guitar drifting through the ajar balcony doors. It made her smile before she opened her eyes. She'd gotten used to this, the last few weeks on the bus. He was always awake before her, always had something he was working on. _There's no such thing as perfection_ , he'd say when she told him to leave a song alone. _Always some way to make it better._ He hadn't become the best damn guitar player in the industry by thinking he did it perfectly.

She rose to her feet and wrapped herself in the blanket, then walked to the doorway and listened quietly.

 _I've been gone, I've been gone too long_

 _Singin my songs on the road_

 _another town, one more show_

 _then I'm coming home_

 _Don't give a damn what these keys are for_

 _I'm gonna knock down that front door and_

 _I'm gonna find out what that house is made of_

 _Been too many nights since it felt us make love_

 _I wanna rock some sheet rock, knock some pictures off the wall_

 _Love you baby like a wrecking ball_

 _That whole house is gonna be shakin_

 _I hope those bricks and boards can take it_

 _But I wouldn't be surprised_

 _If the whole damn place just falls_

 _Wanna rock you baby like a wrecking ball_

 _And that old house is gonna be shakin_

 _Rafters rockin, foundation quakin'_

 _Crash right through the front door, back you up against the wall_

 _Love you baby_

 _Take it right there baby_

 _Rock you baby like a wrecking ball_

Deacon felt her before he even looked over his shoulder, and glanced over to see Rayna standing in the doorway, looking as pretty as ever, even fresh from sleep and with her hair a mess, wrapped in that blanket.

He wondered how long they could keep playing this game and pretend they weren't one step closer every day to crossing that invisible line.

"Sorry," he muttered. "You weren't supposed to hear this one."

Her eyes were pained. "Deacon, I…"

"Don't say anything, Ray. Just...don't. We have that radio interview in a few hours, right?"

"Yes."

"I'll meet you at the station, I need to get out of here for a little while."

Deacon rose to his feet, guitar in one hand, and made motion to move past her in the doorway, but he stopped at the last second, just inches away, leaning his free arm in the doorframe above her head. Their eyes locked. Mistake. Big mistake.

"It was a good song," Rayna said softly, unable to stop herself from reaching up and laying a hand against his cheek. He hadn't shaved in a couple days now and he looked tired, so tired, like he'd been up half the night writing that song. About her. About making love to her. It had been so long, and she was tired too. God, she was so tired of fighting it. It seemed like for the last fourteen years all she'd done was fight not to love him, and failed. And now she _couldn't_. She had a husband at home. She had a daughter at home who didn't know Deacon was her father.

"Ray, what are we doing?" He murmured, his words coming out low and ragged next to her ear, his breathe hot against her cheek. "What the hell are we doing? What were we thinking? This tour, this album…."

Slowly, she drew her hand back from his face. She closed her eyes, and one tear rolled down her cheek, and her face crumpled. He was right, and she knew it. It had been crazy to think they could ever do this and not pretend it wasn't there between the two of them. They might have been killing it onstage, but offstage they were drowning in each other.

With a harsh sigh, he pulled her in with his free arm around her neck, and kissed the top of her head. "I need to go. I just…need to go, Ray."

She nodded against his shoulder, clearly shaken as well, and then forced herself to push away from him, let him go. It seemed she was always having to let him go.

Just once she wanted to be able to hang on.

He left the guitar on a chair and then immediately headed for the door.

"Hey Deacon?" She said tentatively.

He didn't speak, just waited with his hand on the doorknob and his back to her.

"Do you ever wish you'd done that other tour instead? The one with Juliette?"

"Not for a second," he said without hesitation.

When she didn't speak behind him, he opened up the door without looking back and left.

As soon as it was closed behind him, he leaned against it though, and buried his face in his hands, trying to get his shit together.

Three months this tour was supposed to last. It had been exactly two weeks.

How they were going to survive the next ten he had no idea.

###############################

As soon as the door closed behind him, Rayna leaned against it and slid to the floor, and then she buried her face in her hands and cried uglier than she had in a long time.

And then she picked herself up, went in the bathroom to wash her face, and went back to her own suite upstairs.

She sat on the edge of the not-slept-in king sized bed and traced through the contacts in her phone before she found the one she wanted.

She was just about to give up, when the call connected.

"Hello?" A sleepy female voice murmured on the other end. A half-asleep voice, answering her husband's phone at 8 am in the morning. It was 7 am in Nashville.

A familiar voice. A voice she'd heard when it wasn't half asleep, standing in her kitchen sounding as perky and cheerful as could be with her hand on Teddy's arm.

Peggy Kentor.

Now apparently she was putting those hands everywhere else on Teddy as well.

Rayna was so caught off-guard, stunned at first, that it took a second to absorb it. Then slowly she hit the disconnect button and ended the call.

 _What in the hell do I do now,_ she wondered. _My god, what now?_

She didn't know how long she sat there in shock, until Bucky texted that the car would be there to pick her up in a half hour for the radio interview, and she went through the motions of getting dressed, getting ready to leave, met Bucky in the downstairs lobby right on time.

"What's the matter?" Bucky asked her immediately. "And where's Deacon?"

"He's meeting us there," she said, forcing her voice to be strong, clear. "Nothing's wrong."

"Ray, I know you…."

"Bucky," she said calmly as she checked her purse and climbed into the limo. "I am just fine. We have business to handle and a tour to finish. Now let's get on with it."

Right now she was Rayna Jaymes, Queen of Country. She sure as hell hadn't come this far to fold up like a tent when things got bad.

She'd deal with what it meant to be just Rayna later.

 **Thanks for reading! Sorry so long between updates, life gets busy.**

 **The song was Wrecking Ball- Eric Church**


	7. Chapter 7

When Deacon walked into the radio station an hour later with two Starbucks cups in his hand, he found Bucky pacing the hallway in front of the studio, anxiously swiping contact after contact in his phone.

"Oh you're here," Bucky glanced behind him. "Please tell me Rayna is with you. You're on the air with Rick in ten minutes. I went outside to make a call, and she seems to have disappeared."

"I haven't talked to her since I left her in her room an hour ago," Deacon said, his brow furrowing. "She's not here?"

"Her room?" The look on Bucky's face said he was not impressed.

"We were going over some new songs."

At 8 am. Right.

"Listen, I don't know where the hell she is, but she's walked off and she's not answering any of my messages," Bucky said, clearly agitated. "I can't decide if I should be worried, or really, really pissed off. You know how these things go, Deacon. Rumors of the Queen of Country being a no-show on the radio circuit aren't going to look good."

Deacon set the two coffee cups on the window ledge and reached for the phone in his back pocket. "Maybe she just needed a break, Buck. I'm sure she's fine."

The incidents from last night and this morning ran through his mind. There was more going on than Ray was saying, and he damn well knew it, something bigger than what was happening between the two of them. He knew she'd come to him when she was ready. She always did.

Bucky looked skeptical. "Well, whatever is going on with you two…fix it. And find her."

He took off down the hallway, lifting his phone to his ear once more to get back to business.

Deacon glanced after the man who had been Rayna's manager for over 20 years now. Bucky had been around long enough to see it all, that was for sure. Good, bad, and otherwise.

With a heavy sigh, he shot a message off to Rayna.

 _We're on Rick T in five. Where are you?_

 _Something came up_ , she instantly replied. _Cover for me with Bucky and Rick._

It almost made him smile. God, how many times she had covered for _his_ ass over the years….

 _You okay?_

 _I'm fine. See ya at soundcheck later._

 _You sure?_

No answer came back.

The radio DJ was signaling him to come into the studio. Troubled, he picked up one of the cups of coffee and pulled open the door. He left the other one on the ledge. Just in case.

But twenty minutes later when he had skated his way through the interview without Rayna and came back out of the studio, the cup was still there.

#############################

 _Well here's a little corner of heaven,_ Rayna thought with a smile, as she opened the glass door to a vintage record store. _Maddie would go crazy in here._ One of her favorite things about New York City was that it was a melting pot that had always been easy to blend into. Thankfully, the teenager behind the counter gave Rayna a wide-eyed look when she recognized her walk in, but didn't say a thing.

She was supposed to be at the radio station instead of wandering around the side streets near Times Square. Right about now Deacon was doing an on air interview with the DJ from one of the city's most popular country stations, and she should have been sitting next to him talking about tour stops and possible singles. Bucky had been too busy on his phone trying to squash all the rumors floating around that he hadn't even noticed when she didn't follow him into the radio station. She just turned and started walking instead.

 _No comment, Bucky_ , she'd told him to say. That was always the answer when it came to her personal life. Trouble was, when you were trying to rebuild a career and your husband was trying to be the mayor, people didn't settle for no comment anymore.

And today, she was in absolutely no mood for that.

Rayna perused through the stacks, picking out a Johnny Cash album she thought Maddie might like. As she got halfway through the Cs, another caught her eye.

Claybourne. Deacon's first album, _Rough Roads_.

God, it had been a long time since she'd laid eyes on a copy of that, not since Teddy had downed too many glasses of Scotch one night and angrily tossed the copy she had at home into the fireplace.

Sucking in a shallow breath, Rayna pulled it out of the stack. She traced her finger over the picture of a much younger Deacon on the front and slowly flipped it over, scanning her eyes over the track list on the back, even though she knew it by heart. Her name was right there next to his for writing creds on half of those songs.

 _1\. All my friends say_

 _2\. My one and only_

 _3\. Blue on the line_

 _4\. Now you're just a memory_

 _5\. The shape I'm in_

 _6.I shouldn't love you_

 _7\. Be my Baby_

 _8\. We only have tonight_

 _9\. These Old Boots_

 _10.A Life that's good_

"A Life That's Good" had been the only single to chart off that album. _Rough Roads_ should have done better, she had always thought that.

Tears threatened as she recalled how happy he'd been the day that first copy had been delivered by courier. _This is it, Ray, I'm on the right track now. Everything is gonna be alright, you'll see._

Vince had died a month later though, the beginning of everything falling apart.

It made her chest ache just thinking about it, but that had been a long time ago. She'd be the first one to attest to the fact that the Deacon Claybourne she knew now was not the same man he'd been 13 years ago.

And it made the realization that keeping Maddie from him any longer would not only be a mistake, it would be a tragedy. He deserved to know, no matter what it meant for the two of them. She just had to figure out how to do it without destroying all of them in the process.

With a heavy heart, Rayna carried the two albums to the front of the store and paid, and then she went out into the sunshine, and again she started walking.

###########################################

 **7 hours later:**

She was sitting in the shadows of a second floor balcony seat with her black rhinestone boots up on the ledge, when someone dropped into the seat next to her.

Rayna didn't have to look to know it was Deacon. He always knew where to find her. She watched as he raised his boots up and propped them onto the ledge next to hers.

"Where you been all day?" he asked quietly. "I was worried. That's not like you to bail."

"Just needed a break," she said softly. "Took a walk to clear my head a little."

"I figured," he nodded. "Did a little of that myself today."

"Central Park was nice. Lots of families…." her voice trailed off. It had been hard, watching all those families in their little units enjoying the beautiful day together. The phone call to Teddy was still swirling in the back of her mind. Teddy was a lot of things, but she would never had believed he was a cheater.

She stared out at the stage, which the theater workers had just lit up a few minutes ago. Their two sound and light techs were already at work down there getting everything set up.

They'd be on again in a couple hours, expected to put on another killer show. She couldn't help but think of how many hundreds and hundreds of stages she'd been on with Deacon in the last two decades.

"Been a long time since we did this, huh? Hung out in the cheap seats."

"Sure has," Rayna smiled, her somber mood lightening a little. "We used to do this before every show, remember?" It had been a part of their routine once upon a time to come up to the farthest seats to remind themselves to play out to the fans in the back too. Her face flushed a little at another part of that memory. Rarely one of those trips up to the cheap seats hadn't ended with them unable to keep their hands off each other.

"Oh, I remember," Deacon shot her a smirk that said his memory was just fine. "I'm guessing if that dream you were having this morning had anything to do with it, you remember too."

Rayna covered her hand with her mouth, mortified "Oh god."

"Well actually, it sounded more like-."

"Deacon! Don't you dare." She reached over and slapped his knee, and he laughed. But he had her laughing too, and in that moment she needed that so badly. She needed to laugh so she wouldn't cry. "How was the radio interview?"

"Same old questions."

"I figured as much. Was Bucky mad?"

"Same old Bucky. Just watching out for you."

"He always is."

" So.. about this morning," he said with a little more quiet caution. "We're good, right?"

She forced a smile. "Yeah. We're good."

His eyebrows raised worriedly as he studied her face, the way her eyes avoided his. "You sure? Because I can see it, Ray. Something's off with you. And it's not just…us."

Us. The way that word slipped out hurt the sore and bruised part of her heart that knew deep down exactly what he meant when he said "us." They'd always be an "us" no one else could understand. It didn't matter if they were together or not.

"Deacon," she said softly, dragging her eyes up to his. "There's so many things going on right now…and I just…if I start talking about it with you I'm gonna lose it, and I can't lose it tonight."

Deacon nodded. "When you're ready." There were rumors spreading like wildfire, he'd found out from Bucky this afternoon, things much beyond the state of what was going down on their tour bus. About her husband and his political campaign, her marriage, even her status at Edgehill Republic. He wondered what the hell else Rayna wasn't telling him. "You know how the press is with rumors. It'll die down like it always does."

She took a deep breath. "Can we even say there isn't a little bit of truth to some of them? Or that we… want there to be?"

The ones about them, he knew she meant. Even Rick this morning hadn't been able to resist asking on air. _Come on, Deacon. We all wanna know what's happening on that bus._

 _What you see onstage is what you get_ , was all he'd given the DJ and the million or so people he knew where listening. _Good friends making good music. And that's the truth._

Deacon's gaze matched hers steadily. "A person gets lonely, Ray." he said quietly. "You being away from your family and all, your girls and Teddy. Maybe you're just lonely and missing home. And you and me, we can't ever be just warm bodies to each other. We never could. You know that. It's all or nothing."

She closed her eyes. It was the truth, and she damn well knew it. Falling back into Deacon's arms even one time would make it impossible to climb back out of them.

He reached for her hand first, squeezed it hard, and heard her draw in a shaky breath.

They sat there like that, just for a couple minutes, staring at the empty stage that awaited them.

"Come on," she said finally with a sigh, rising to her feet, reluctantly unwinding her fingers from his. Funny how it was harder and harder to let go every time lately. "We should get to that sound check. The show's gotta go on, right?"

"Right," Deacon stood up next to her. "You sure you're okay, Ray?"

"Not really," she exhaled, dragging out every word. "And you of all people know how hard it is for me to admit that."

His mouth curved up into a teasing grin. "You always were a stubborn one. Some things never change, I guess."

She couldn't help but smile. "I guess they don't." she reached out and gave him a gentle shove, but somehow her hand on his chest lingered a second too long, and before she could stop herself, she leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his.

Rayna could feel the shock radiate through him, and for a second she was afraid he'd shove her away out of the pure fact that she still had Teddy's ring on her finger, but dammit, it was _them_ , and they were only human, and this had been ready to happen long before they ever went back on tour. To her relief, his hand came up across the back of her neck to wind into her hair, and the other arm slid around her waist drawing her against him as their mouths became slowly and sweetly reacquainted with each other.

Somehow they ended up in one of those cramped seats with her across his lap, the intensity of their kisses quickly growing, hands roaming, anxious to remember what it felt like to be able to touch each other again.

"Deacon," she murmured against his mouth, her heart racing. "After the show later?"

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers, knowing everything about it was so wrong but it felt so damn right. "Yeah. Later."

"Later."

"We should…probably get to that sound check."

"Probably," she whispered.

One more slow sweet kiss and Rayna reluctantly slid off his lap, feeling the flush in her cheeks, the puffiness of her lips from the kisses they'd shared. Her blood felt like it was on fire, the anxiousness building. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like to have those butterflies in your stomach, to want someone so bad. _All or nothing,_ Deacon had said _._ He was right. There was no halfway with them. There never had been, no gray area, no in between. Just black or white.

As they headed for the exit to go back downstairs, her knees still a little weak, she snuck a peek over at him. He looked just as rattled as she felt.

And she knew what she had always known. She wanted all.

And she wanted it with him.

#############################

The atmosphere of the show that night was completely different than it had been the last couple weeks. Rayna wondered if the audience sensed it too, they were quieter than usual, she could have sworn when she looked out, she saw a few people wiping away tears after they did "The Rivers Between Us." They'd picked more of the slower songs for the set that night. It felt right.

Her eyes met Deacon's as they finished up the last song and stood to take a bow.

"I think one more song wouldn't be so bad," Rayna said with a smile into her microphone. A few people in the audience cheered their approval as they launched into "No one will ever love you."

They got a five minute standing ovation after it ended, and when they left the stage, Deacon's arm casually in the small of her back as he walked off behind her, Rayna got the shock of her life.

"Mom!" Maddie and Daphne squealed as they came out of the wings and launched themselves into her arms. Teddy stood stiff and tall behind them, in his typical suit and tie, his face emotionless.

"Mom, we surprised you!" Daphne said happily. "Are you surprised?"

Tears mixed with her laughter as she hugged them tightly. "My babies! You could not have surprised me more if you tried! Did you get to see any of the show?"

"Just got here," Teddy said evenly, his eyes meeting hers. "In time to hear the last song."

She swallowed hard. "Well, I'm just…so glad that y'all are here. I missed you guys."

Deacon watched, stepping back a ways as she grabbed the girls up and held them close, and then as she kissed Teddy chastely on the mouth.

It burned his soul a little, watching the four of them together, but it was the punch in the gut reminder he knew he'd probably needed. This was Rayna's real life, her family. On tour, on the road was not real life.

It felt pretty damn good though when Maddie came at him for a hug. "Hi, Uncle Deacon!" she said happily. "I can't wait to show you how far I came on that song. I'm taking real good care of your guitar, I promise."

"I bet you're doin great, darlin," he said, ruffling her long dark hair. "How long you guys staying? Maybe we can work on it a little."

Maddie made a face. "Just until tomorrow afternoon. Dad says he has to get back because his election is next week."

"We already checked into the hotel," Teddy was saying, giving Deacon a brief but cool once over and turning back to Rayna. "Are you done here for the night? I should get the girls settled, it's already late."

Rayna looked surprised. "You did? How did you know where we were staying?"

"Bucky called," Teddy said, but cut himself off abruptly as if he had given something away. "Anyway, are you ready?"

Torn, Rayna glanced at the girls, and then she glanced at Deacon. "Yeah," she said softly. "I guess we're done here."

He was trying like hell to hide the frustration in his eyes, but she saw it.

A crew member gestured from the side of the stage. "Hey Deacon, you got a visitor in your dressing room. Seemed okay to let her wait there."

 _Her?_ Rayna wanted to ask.

Deacon slipped past her, avoiding her gaze. "Have fun with your family, Ray. Good to see you girls. Excuse me, now." To Teddy, he didn't say a damn thing.

Rayna watched him go, her heart feeling like it was breaking into a million pieces.

His eyes had said enough. There'd be no "later" now.

#####################################

Deacon didn't know why he was surprised to see her waiting in his dressing room. Running into her assistant this morning at Starbucks had been an amusing coincidence, it turned out their tours were crossing each other this week, only him and Ray got the little old theater down the street, and she had sold out Madison Square Garden. He felt a little sorry for her to be honest, the girl needed someone to watch out for her, even though her motives towards him clearly were not pure.

"Well Deacon Claybourne, I was starting to wonder if you were just gonna leave me in here by myself all night," she said from her perch on the dressing room counter, wearing knee high boots and a skirt that could have made a better headband. _Typical,_ he thought, amused.

"Hey, Juliette. What's up?"


	8. Chapter 8

Still New York City

Rayna barely slept all night. Every time she closed her eyes she could feel the strength of Deacon's arms holding her all over again. Every time she opened them all she could see was Teddy asleep three feet away with his back toward her, this man who had once promised her it was all the "right thing to do", and now had her questioning every aspect of the last 13 years of her life.

Despite all her stress over things with Deacon, it made her sad as she looked over at Teddy, sleeping facing away from her. She wondered how it was possible to feel so alone next to someone you were supposed to share a life with. That three feet of space felt like three hundred. They'd put on a good show tonight in front of the girls, but as soon as Maddie and Daphne were settled and asleep across the hall in the second bedroom of the suite, the invisible wall they'd been fighting to break down for the last two years went up feeling twice as high as it had been before.

And then her mind strayed back to thoughts of Deacon. She resisted the urge to pick up her phone and text him. What she'd say she had no idea. Was he in his room, one floor down? Out late on the town somewhere? The mention of that "visitor" in his dressing room had set off an unexpected hint of something she refused to call jealousy. One thing she'd had to accept over the years was that Deacon had no shortage of female attention. He'd paraded more women through her rehearsals and afterparties over the years than she cared to remember. And there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.

After all, she'd married someone else.

Feeling lonely and miserable, Rayna quietly slipped out of the room and down the hall to the kitchenette, made herself some coffee, and curled up on the sofa. She turned the local news on low volume and picked up the notepad that she'd left there. She'd started a new song this afternoon, found herself a quiet spot under a shady tree in Central Park for awhile. The lyrics as she reread them meant more now than ever.

 _Cuz the best songs come from broken hearts_

 _Busted dreams and beat up guitars_

 _It's times like these when I'm down on my knees, it's true…._

The news on television changed to the nightly entertainment report, and as she looked up a familiar face caught her eye, and her heart sunk.

 _Well, I guess that put's all those rumors to rest_ , the female holding the microphone was saying while paparazzi pics lit up the screen behind her. _Rayna Jaymes was seen leaving the Beacon Theater tonight with her husband, Nashville mayoral candidate Teddy Conrad, and children, while her longtime guitarist and current tour partner Deacon Claybourne apparently had other plans. He was seen entering a hotel with none other than country music's current chart-topping wildchild Juliette Barnes. Barnes is in town this weekend for a sold out show at Madison Square Garden, but it looks like she's found some spare time to hook up with an old friend in the process._

Rayna felt as though she might be physically sick, watching the pictures flash on the screen of Deacon entering the back entrance of a hotel on Park Avenue behind Juliette.

" _What the hell, Deacon,_ she thought silently. " _What the hell."_

And then she threw the remote control halfway across the room.

##############################################

"What are we going to do today?" Daphne asked eagerly as Rayna walked with her two girls through the hotel lobby on Saturday morning.

Rayna smiled and reached out a hand to gently smooth Daphne's hair. Always for her girls at least, the smiles were real. Despite the inner turmoil she was fighting, she was so thankful and blessed to have a little time with them. "Daddy had a meeting in the city this morning, so we're going to meet him for breakfast. Then I was thinking the Central Park Zoo might be nice, and maybe we can take in a show before y'all have to fly home and I have to head to my soundcheck for the show tonight."

"I wish we could stay longer," Daphne looked disappointed.

"Me too, sweetie. But we'll have a nice day anyway, right?"

As they were walking out of the elevator into the lobby, Deacon happened to be walking in the revolving door from the opposite direction.

A painful throbbing hit her square in her midsection. Up early, she wondered with dread, or just getting in from his long night joining the Juliette Barnes fanclub.

 _I don't think I really wanna know._

Of course, the girls were immediately right at his side, hi-fiving him and demanding his utmost attention.

They loved Deacon. They always had. He was "cool" in a way Mom and Dad never would be.

Watching him with Maddie was especially always bittersweet. After all, Maddie had spent most of the first four years of her life on the road with her, and Deacon had always been there. Sometimes she wondered how it was possible he'd never suspected. There was so many little bits and pieces of himself he'd passed on to their daughter.

"We're gonna go get some breakfast," Maddie said enthusiastically. "You should come with, Uncle Deacon."

Deacon took off his aviators, and his eyes met Rayna's over their heads. "Maybe another time," he told Maddie. "See you girls later." And with that, he brushed past her, and kept walking towards the elevator. Even the slightest touch of his arm against hers had Rayna's heart racing again, but she'd seen it in his eyes. Hurt. He accepted it, watching her with her family and all. But it still hurt, just like it always had. That family had been their dream once.

He'd probably seen it in hers too.

 _Why oh why do we keep hurting each other so much?_ Rayna commiserated silently as she watched him retreat, recognizing the stiff way he held his shoulders.

"You know what?" She said, turning to the girls with false cheerfulness. "I forgot something upstairs I need for later. You two just sit tight here for a second, and I'll be right back."

########################################

Deacon was surprised when he had barely ascended on his room and there was a knock on the door. He opened it to find Rayna standing there looking a deadly combination of pissed and near tears. Probably more pissed, though, he thought as he stood in the doorway.

"Where are the girls?" he asked, glancing over her shoulder.

"Waiting in the lobby," Rayna said, unable to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. "Did you have a nice night last night?"

"Uh, it was alright, I guess," he conceded.

"Juliette Barnes, Deacon. Really? I thought you were done with that."

 _Dammit_. His guess was the tabloids had picked it up somehow. And it wasn't much, really, although Juliette was still using whatever feminine wiles necessary to lobby him to join her tour. _Come play with me at the Garden tomorrow night, Deacon. I'll give Buddy the rest of the weekend off_ , she'd suggested as they hung out in his dressing room after the show. _We could have a lot of fun, me and you._

 _Now you know I can't do that. Rayna and I have a show tomorrow night, and we leave for Boston right afterwards,_ he'd said, shooting her a grin. _You just ain't giving up, are you?_

Juliette being Juliettehad pouted a little, once again offered to pay him ridiculous amounts of money to join her tour, andfinally conceded. _At least come hang out at the hotel for awhile. We can write a little._

He couldn't say no to that. After the growing intensity between him and Rayna, what he really needed was a break. It felt good to try to shut things out for a little while, to channel his music into a different direction than writing about broken hearts and things he couldn't have. And no matter what anyone said about Juliette Barnes, underneath all that glitter, he believed she truly was a talented artist. She just needed someone to remind her of that.

But somehow it pissed him off even more that Rayna was standing in front of him now questioning his motives after the last month they'd spent on the road together, and after that crazy unexpected balcony makeout session. He couldn't say it had broken the sexual tension, because in all reality, it had made it ten times worse.

"She's a friend, Ray. She doesn't have many, and she needs a couple real ones."

"Oh is that it. A friend, huh," she said skeptically.

"Yeah."

"You know…I don't know why I ever thought this would work," Rayna said, rolling her eyes. She turned to go, but his words stopped her in her tracks.

"This?" he said, his voice low. "This as in this tour, Ray? Or as in us?"

She tried to swallow around the lump in her throat as she faced him, her eyes pained. "Maybe both," she whispered.

"You got a wedding ring on your finger, Ray. I think that about says enough. That's why it hasn't worked for 13 years. Or it worked for you, maybe. Didn't work out so well for me. I spent way too long wishing for something that ain't ever gonna happen."

The look in his eyes just broke her. "Deacon," she fought back the tears that threatened, trying to find the right words. "There's so many things I need to say…." she took a step towards him, and they were right back in each other's orbit again, inches away from each other, close enough to breath the same air, forgetting the outside world even existed.

"Then why don't you?"

 _Because I don't know how_ , she thought. She closed her eyes, and hear him sigh deeply.

"Nothing happened with Juliette, she's just a friend, Ray. Believe what you want. Your girls are waiting for you," he said, bringing them both back to reality. "Better get a move on."

"Right," she whispered.

And then slowly, deliberately, he gently shut the door in her face and shut her out.

She turned and walked back down the hall on shaky knees, trying to regain her decorum before facing the girls.

He was wrong, she thought as she stepped into the elevator, jabbing at the elevator button.

Except for those two girls downstairs….it hadn't worked out so well for her either.

############################################

Her and Teddy managed to be civil with each other long enough to have a nice day at the zoo and then the theater with the girls. The only problem, Rayna realized too late, was that with all the recent gossip spinning in the rumor mills, the paparazzi seemed to be everywhere.

"Mom, why do they keep taking pictures of us," Daphne asked, annoyed as they got out of the limo at the theater. Her soundcheck was in a half hour, and Teddy and the girls would be saying goodbye soon and heading for the private plane waiting.

"I know it's different," she said sympathetically. "It's not like at home in Nashville where they don't really bother us. Just ignore them, okay?"

"It's kinda hard, Mom," Maddie said, keeping her head down as they quickly walked toward the back door of the theater.

"Hey there's the future mayor of Nashville," one of the photographers yelled as Teddy pulled open the door and the girls went in first, with Rayna behind.

And then it hit her all at once that most of the attention for the day had not been centered on her at all. They'd been more interested in Teddy. The realization was like a slap in the face.

"Go on," she said to the girls with forced cheerfulness, "Go see if catering left anything good in my dressing room. It's been a long time since y'all had lunch at that restaurant."

They bound off, and she was left facing Teddy in the hallway.

"It occurred to me," she said slowly, "sometime after the fourth or fifth bunch of photographers showed up before we even arrived anywhere today, that you taking a weekend to come to New York City is pretty inconvenient to your campaign, isn't it?"

"It's been handled," Teddy said levelly.

 _By who?_ She wondered. _Peggy Kentor?_

"Just be honest, Teddy. Is that what this all was today?" she said quietly. "A political agenda? Get some nice public pictures taken with your family to make yourself look more appealing?"

Teddy's expression was one mixed of guilt and a little defensive. "The girls missed you," he said. "And when Bucky called yesterday, he thought maybe it would help on both our ends."

She stared at him. "And why in god's name would he think that? Trying to ward off the rumors about you and Peggy Kentor and me and Deacon at the same time?"

She realized as she said the words that it was _exactly_ what Bucky had been trying to do.

She was going to be having a nice long chat with that man later.

"I told you, Peggy-."

"She answered your phone, Teddy," Rayna cut him off. "At 7:30 in the morning. I'm sure that was just like an early morning campaign housecall, right?"

Teddy no longer even tried to deny it. "Peggy is supportive of me. Something you haven't been in a very long time. And we've known each other since college. I didn't plan for it to happen."

She stood there silently, arms crossed, waiting for him to continue.

"Oh come on, Rayna," he scoffed. "It's not like you don't know what they're saying about you and Deacon. I am a public figure with an image to uphold, and to be honest, you're not helping it very much right now being on the road."

"That's really your biggest concern, isn't it? Your campaign. My god, you really are turning into my father."

"You're not one to talk, Rayna! You're so damn determined to fix your career, and I'm trying to hold down things at home while you're out here doing god knows what on a bus with Deacon Claybourne." Teddy's voice was getting louder.

She laughed harshly. "You think this is easy? It's never easy, Teddy. It's my career. And it's the only livelihood we have right now. But then again god knows what kind of plan my father has cooked up to get you elected as mayor, so I guess I'm not supposed to have to work anymore, right? I'm just supposed to stand next to you and wave and look pretty and not say a damn word."

"And what's so wrong with being the mayor's wife?" He slammed his hands against the brick wall behind them so hard she almost winced. "What's so wrong with giving me a chance to make something of myself?"

"Is that what you think? That I never let you _make_ something of yourself? You lied, Teddy. You cheated people. And I stood by you for the sake of our family."

"Oh come on, Rayna," he said bitterly. "I know I was never your first choice. It was always Deacon. Just tell me the truth. Let's lay it all on the table. Are you sleeping with him?"

She shook her head slowly.

Teddy stood quietly, absorbing that for a minute. "But you want to."

She didn't know how to answer that one, because the truth would sound awful, and to say no would be a lie.

"I saw the two of you onstage together last night," Teddy said quietly. "I can see it, Rayna. And so can everyone else. It's never been any different. Not since the day he ended up back in your band."

She knew it was coming, even before he said it. She'd known for a long time, and for the sake of her girls, tried to fend it off. So when he did say it, she wasn't surprised, maybe even a little relieved, but it still hurt like hell.

"I can't deal with this…. You and him anymore. I want a divorce, Rayna," Teddy said tiredly. "In a month when the campaign is over, I plan to file the paperwork."

The girls reappeared then, snacks in hand, and her eyes burned trying to force away the tears and paste on a fake smile.

"We need to go," Teddy said to them, as if nothing had just happened. "We have a plane waiting, and your mom has a soundcheck. Tell her goodbye now, okay?"

 _Right_ , Rayna thought _. Act like nothing's wrong. For the sake of the girls_. Because after all, isn't that what she's been doing for the majority of the last 14 years? "Come give me hugs," she said brightly, wrapping them up so tight that Daphne complains she can't breathe, kissing their beautiful, smiling, unaware faces. "Be good for Daddy, now. I'll be home for the Opry celebration in a month, remember?"

They nod, they understand. But there is still tears, and it still breaks her heart when Teddy pulls them away and they walk down the hall and out the door.

The pain in her heart gave away to an odd numbness, shock maybe. Don't feel, don't fall apart. Not right then. They had a show to do in three hours.

She was Rayna Jaymes. The show always had to go on.

########################################

Deacon was really only there at the right moment by coincidence. He'd seen Rayna's girls come tearing in a few minutes earlier, wanted to make sure he said goodbye before they left. He'd almost stepped around the corner when he heard the voices of Rayna and Teddy arguing, but took a step back instead, immersed in the shadows for a second, long enough to hear Teddy say "I want a divorce". The girls appeared from the other direction then, dancing and giggling their way across the empty stage, then growing quieter as they said goodbye to their mama.

So he waited. And when all was silent, he stepped out of the shadows, stunned.

Rayna was just standing there alone, staring at the rows of empty seats when he walked up.

Just from the look on his face, she could tell he had overheard all or part of her argument with Teddy.

"Ray, I'm sorry," he said quietly. "About this morning. About…everything."

"I'm fine," Rayna said, pasting a false smile on her face. "Are the tech guys here yet? We need to fix that one spotlight, it was practically blinding me last night." She made a move to step around him

He reached out and put a hand on her arm worriedly. "Rayna, your husband just asked you for a divorce. You can't just shove that away."

The place was quickly picking up in action, noise signaling theater workers backstage, tech and lighting folks arriving to do their jobs, and Bucky walking in with a couple people he didn't recognize.

"Deacon," she said softly. "I'm fine."

Her eyes met his, and she didn't need to speak the words for him to know what she was thinking. They were good at that, those silent conversations. They'd been doing it for years. 

_Please just help me get through this night._

"Hey, Ray," Bucky said as he walked across the stage with a cheerful smile on his face. "How was your day with the family? This is Kit Coran, she's an interviewer for _Country Weekly_. She'd like to do a quick one, if you have a few minutes before soundcheck?"

Rayna didn't say much, didn't seem like she was too happy with Bucky, Deacon noted. But she let whatever that was go, and he watched from her side as more people approached and she became Rayna Jaymes again then, standing amid the chaos like an air traffic controller, directing everyone.

After all, this was why they called her the Queen of Country.

####################################

The show that night was a difficult one. There was a sad quality to the tone of Rayna's voice in their songs that she just couldn't hide. Deacon could feel the hurt coming off her in waves, and he was just a few feet away. He guessed maybe the audience could as well. It was part of the irony of being a musician. The emotion always came through, and it always came out onstage whether you wanted it to or not. And when she was hurting, it hurt him too.

When it was over and they'd taken their bows, backstage was crazy as usual. An unexpected afterparty had been planned by the theater owner, which would push their leaving for Philadelphia to early morning instead.

He could see Rayna was absolutely not in the mood for answering questions and playing country queen, but she was doing the best she could to keep that smile pasted on anyway, that it, until one too many people asked what she thought about being the mayor's wife.

She gritted her teeth, and very nearly said _exactly_ what she thought about it, until Deacon appeared at her side, his hand on her elbow.

"Excuse me, can I borrow her for a second?" He flashed the music reviewer who was asking too many questions a smile, and led Rayna away.

As soon as they were out of earshot, she sighed in relief. "You always know right when to save me, don't you?"

His eyes crinkled into a smile. "Guess we've gotten pretty good at saving each other over the years."

"Yeah," she said softly, realizing it was true. "I guess we have."

"Go back to the hotel, Ray. I'll cover you here for a little while."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," he said firmly. "Just go. Before Bucky derails you with more press hounds. You don't need that crap tonight."

Bucky caught Rayna's eye from across the room and started in their direction, but she ignored him, and the disapproving frown he was wearing, and quickly headed for a side door.

###############################################

By the time Deacon got away from the party and headed back to the hotel, it was well past midnight.

Rayna'd sent him a message earlier. It didn't contain any words, just numbers.

The passcode to her room.

He found her curled up on the kingsize bed in her suite still in her shiny silver top, short black skirt, and black rhinestone boots she'd worn for the show, still very much awake, looking like she was completely lost. He settled on the bed next to her, leaning with his back against the headboard.

It was hard not to notice the gold ring she'd removed that was lying on the table next to the bed.

"Hey," he said quietly. "You can stop pretending you're okay now."

"Hey," Rayna murmured. She sat up and faced him. "Thanks for getting me out of there."

He reached over and smoothed the hair out of her eyes, and his hand lingered on her cheek. He saw her lower lip tremble.

"Ray," he said softly. "Just let it go. All of it. You don't have to be strong right now. There's nobody here but me."

So she did. It just about broke his heart all over again as she put her head on his shoulder and cried for everything she'd given up for Teddy and everything she wanted for her girls and everything she couldn't change or do over. Real life did not have do overs.

After awhile, her sobs lessened, and she fell into an unsettling sleep next to him.

When she awoke sometime later, Deacon had turned off the lamp and the tv and the room was dark. And he was still there, asleep sitting up next to her, his head leaning to one side. She shivered and he stirred, opening his eyes.

"Whatsamatter?" he murmured.

"I'm cold." She was still in the stage clothes she'd worn earlier, and they were stiff and scratchy now. Her eyes felt puffy and her throat dry from crying.

Deacon gave her a little smile. "You always did like to steal the covers."

"Oh come on now, I did not," she laughed softly, slipping off the high heeled sandals that had still been on her feet, and taking her skirt with them. The red shiny top was next, leaving her standing there in the shadows in nothing but her red lace panties and the barely there white lace camisole that had been underneath. "You're turn." The smile he gave her turned her knees to jello and had her stomach fluttering in anticipation all over again. She had loved that smile through so much, and so long, and she had damn well earned it to belong to her. She watched approvingly as he shed his own jeans, his boots, and climbed back into bed next to her in his tshirt and black boxer briefs.

Deacon pulled down the blankets they'd been laying on top of, and she didn't hesitate to crawl between the cool white sheets and let him pull her firmly against him, his thighs tight against the back of hers, their feet tangling together. He slipped his arm around her waist and buried his face in her hair. Not a breathe of air could have slipped between them as he tucked the covers in around her.

"There," he said, satisfied. "Now sleep."

He couldn't see her smile, but he heard her soft laugh. "You really wanna sleep?"

"I want _you_ to," he murmured, pressing kisses along the side of her neck, making her shiver a little. But he knew it was no longer because she was cold. God knows he personally would not be getting any sleep laying there wrapped around her. "It's been a hell of a night, Ray, and there'll be lots of nights. Later."

"You think so, huh?"

"Yep."

Rayna leaned back into him, content to let him have the strength for once. _Now this is how it's supposed to be,_ she thought in silent reverence as his fingers traced a path along her hip and under the edge of her camisole. Something about those rough guitar calluses on his fingertips had never failed to drive her wild the instant he touched her skin. This is how you were meant to sleep. All tangled up, so you didn't know where one of you started and the other ended. Like you wanted each other so much your very lives depended on it.

This is how you slept when you were in love.

"You okay?" he said softly.

"No," she admitted. She would only admit it to him. "But I will be." She turned her face up towards his, and he was staring down at her with such emotion in his eyes that it took her breath away.

Without a seconds hesitation, she leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

"Thanks for being here," she whispered. Then again, he always had been in some way or another, even through those years with Teddy. He loved her. She'd always known this. She'd just had to pretend not to notice. And tonight, she was done pretending.

"Maybe it happened this way for a reason, you know?" he said, his voice low. "You wouldn't have your girls if it weren't for Teddy. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Maybe now is our chance, Ray."

 _I wouldn't have Maddie if it weren't for you_ , she wanted to say. It hurt to lay there with him and know that she was still keeping it. But she knew in her heart now that she'd tell him soon, whether Teddy approved it or not. He deserved to know, and Maddie did too.

She leaned up and kissed him again, longer, deeper, and a loan growl erupted from his throat as her hands roamed across his shoulders and dug into his back, tugging the shirt off over his head so she could run her fingers over the smooth planes of his chest. Her camisole went the same direction, and they shifted until she was lying underneath him, his hips against hers reminding her just _how long_ it had been since someone had made love to her properly. Her hands under the sheet tugged at his boxer briefs. "I think we're both still wearing too many clothes."

"I'm tryin to be the good guy here and not rush anything, baby. You're making it kinda hard."

She gave him a little amused smile. "It's been thirteen years, Deacon. I'd hardly call that rushing it."

"Good point," he said with a sigh, his face curving up into that grin. "You gonna tell me what I was doing to you in that dream?"

"Nope," she said, desire pooling in her stomach as he kissed his way down her neck and his teeth grazed one of her nipples. His five o clock shadow rough against her skin was already almost her undoing. He hooked his fingers into the sides of her panties and slid them down her legs in an agonizingly slow fashion. "I guess you'll have to guess."

"That could take hours," he murmured as his mouth continued its path across the smooth skin of her stomach, and then back up to her other breast.  
"Don't worry," she said breathlessly as his hand moved between her thighs, and she shifted her legs open in anticipation, almost unable to stop herself from immediately going over the edge as his thumb traced agonizingly slow circles in exactly the right spot. 13 years, she thought. 13 goddamn years and he still remembered exactly how to drive her the perfect kind of crazy. "I'll let you know when you get it right."

#################################

Rayna woke when the sun was just making its way above the horizon through the tall floor to ceiling windows, raising her head from his chest to gaze up at him. He was wide awake, just watching her, looking sexy as hell with his bare chest and dark rumpled hair and shadow of a beard.

"Guess I got it right, huh?" he smirked, his hands running across her hips and down to her backside. "I hope to god this place has soundproof walls." The "Deacon don't stop"s had sounded a hell of a lot better than any dream.

"You sure did, babe," Rayna laughed softly, sprawled out on top of him, feeling him already getting hard underneath her again as she moved against him. "I love you. That's just never not been true, Deacon." Her truth had always been found with loving Deacon. The smile that lit up his face healed the brokenness that had been inside her for so long as she leaned forward and kissed her lips.

"You and me, Ray, that's the way it's supposed to be," he whispered. "Us and your girls. We'll figure it out. We're gonna get it right this time."

Rayna had no doubt they would. And soon at the right time and the right place she'd tell him about their daughter, and hope to god he understood her reasons for what she'd did back then. Right now all she could concentrate on was that she was finally back in his arms.

It sure seemed like the perfect day to start over.


	9. Chapter 9

_**A month later**_

 _Dallas_

Rayna stalked down the alley towards where the bus waited like the devil was at her back, with Deacon hot on her heels.

Indeed, the Dallas show had been a memorable one. And not exactly in the best way. The first leg of tour was over now, besides the last stop at the Ryman tomorrow night. They'd been spending a couple months back home in Nashville before heading out to the west coast, working on laying tracks for the album that had not yet been named, and revamping the set list with new songs and a fresh show. But she couldn't even think about any of that right now.

"You gonna tell me what the problem was tonight, or just make me guess?" Deacon said testily as they boarded the tour bus.

"You wanna know what the problem was?" Rayna said, standing with her hand on her hip in the small living space as she kicked off her high heels. "Two things. First of all, I told you this morning I didn't want to do _All I Need_ because it wasn't ready, and you changed the set list and played it anyway. And second of all, maybe if you'd paid more attention during _Boots and Roses_ instead of making eyes with those Juliette Barnes wanna-be's in the front row, it wouldn't have come out so choppy."

" _First_ of all," he said tersely. "That song is 14 years old-."

"And we haven't performed it in almost that long!"

"And _second_ of all, I was just trying to look like I was actually enjoying the music I was playing, which you seemed to have a problem with tonight."

"Well maybe because _I wasn't_ enjoying it!"

He looked at her incredulously. "Well aren't we the diva."

"Do _not_ call me a diva."

"You're acting like one."

"I am not!"

"I don't know why you're needing an excuse to be pissed at someone, and I don't know why it's gotta be me but you better think up a better one than that."

"I'm done talking about it right now," Rayna said defiantly. "I'm going to bed," she said, her voice lowering a little. "Wake me up when we get to Nashville." And with that, she walked through the door that led to the suite in back where they'd both been sleeping for the last month, and shut the door. He got the message. _Have a nice night in your bunk._

The only thing he couldn't figure out was why.

And with that final thought, Deacon sunk into the booth in the corner, feeling defeated, staring out the window as the bus starting rolling again. The first half of the tour was over. They were going home. What was supposed to happen when they got there, he had no goddamn idea.

#############################################

Deacon gave her ten minutes before he knocked on the door. To his credit, it was more than Rayna had figured he would. When she didn't answer, he threw it open anyway.

"Time's up," he said firmly. "Now talk."

Rayna didn't say a word, but her mouth was turned down into a frown as she slipped off the short white dress she'd worn for the show and reached for one of his old tshirts to sleep in.

" _Rayna."_

"Alright," she said, and when she spoke he realized her voice was no longer angry. It was shaking. "You want to know what my problem is, Deacon? That's a great song. A _great_ song. But every time we sing it, all I can think about is the night we wrote it. Do you ever think about that?"

"Of course I do! That's why it's a damn good song! That's why they're _all_ damn good songs, Ray! Because they're us."

"Do you? Do you _really_ remember the night we wrote it, Deacon? Because I do."

Suddenly he knew exactly where this argument was going, and he didn't like it much. With a sigh, Rayna went to the suitcase open on a chair in the corner. He watched as she came back and dropped something on the middle of the bed between them he hadn't seen in a very long time. A shiny silver something on the end of a chain.

His stared at it, stunned. "I can't believe you still have it."

The one thing in all the years since they'd broken up, all those years in her band, all those years evolving to the place they were now, that they'd never directly talked about was the night he'd given her that ring.

There was a reason for that. At first it was just too hard, and as time went by, like with many things, it was easier to leave it unsaid. It hurt her too much to ask, and it hurt him too much to admit the truth. She'd left the cabin, he'd went to rehab a few weeks after, six months later they'd struggled to start over when he joined her band. She was married to Teddy Conrad by then, expecting a baby. It was the past, and until now it had remained an unspoken agreement that it needed to stay there.

"It's usually at home in a special place, but I….felt like I needed it with me this time," she said softly, reaching for the ring, and sitting on the edge of the bed with it in her palm. "I guess I kept it because… part of me always thought we might need it someday. There's nothing wrong with that song, Deacon. It just reminds me of that night. And it hurts."

With a sigh, he sank onto the edge of the bed next to her.

"Ray…"

"I need to know," she whispered. "I just…need to know how much you remember.  
It's been bothering me a lot this week when you brought up the song and I can't get past it."

He closed his eyes and closed his hand around the one that she held the ring in. "I remember putting that ring on your finger. And writing that song with you."

Tears were already blurring her eyes, and the shred of hope she'd been afraid to hold onto grew ten times bigger. "You do?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation, reaching out to swipe away a tear on her cheek. "I can tell you that holding you in my arms that last night… I could never forget that. It got me through the last fourteen years without you," his smile was sad. "Somewhere in there, I think I just woke up and I got…I don't know, scared maybe. That it was too good. That I'd fail you."

She swallowed hard. "So you started drinking. And the next morning…"

The pain in Deacon's eyes said what the words didn't need to. Nothing. He remembered nothing about the next morning, the fight they'd had, how she'd driven away in anger. "I did exactly what I was afraid of. I let you down, Ray."

Rayna soaked this in for a minute, every word, regrets and all.

It didn't make it better. But then again maybe it did just a little. Because it meant that he remembered the night they'd created their daughter. That thought of him not remembering had tortured her for years, and she hated to admit it might have been part of the reason she'd chosen not to tell him about Maddie.

 _What about now?_ She thought, her heart aching as she let him kiss her tears away and pull her in close. _Maybe I'm the one whose scared of failing you, now._

"Baby," he said with a sigh. "I think we've been on this bus a little too long."

Rayna managed a small smile. "Old patterns die hard. I swear by the end of the tours it seemed like we were always ready to kill each other, arguing about some thing or another."

He kissed her forehead, and swiped the last tear from her eye. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," she bit her lip. "You know this tour has been like a dream. I _love_ being on the road with you. I'm just…worried about going home tomorrow. Telling the girls about the divorce. I don't want to break their hearts." _And I don't want to break yours either_. "It's …a mess. And I don't know if I can ever really fix it. This is going to change their lives," she said, a little hitch in her voice. "It's just…a lot, you know? A lot for them to process."

Three weeks ago, Teddy had been elected mayor of Nashville. Rayna had watched from her dressing room in St. Louis as the election results flashed across the screen, followed by press shots of Teddy stepping up to the podium, their beautiful daughters standing proudly next to him. She'd listened as he feigned excuses for his "wonderful wife" that was on tour and couldn't be present. As the camera scanned across the crowd, it was hard to miss Peggy Kentor smiling broadly in the front row.

A few days ago, the divorce papers had arrived by courier backstage in Dallas, along with a long list of stipulations. Teddy wanted to keep the divorce quiet for at least six months, and he had extended that to include her relationship with Deacon. He also wanted it stipulated that she was not allowed to reveal Maddie's true paternity until their daughter turned 18.

Rayna had sent the papers back with some precisely worded stipulations of her own, and Teddy had yet to respond.

She thought somehow that it should have hurt more, facing the fact that the marriage she'd struggled to hold onto for so long was finally over, but it didn't. She was too busy to feel anything where Teddy was concerned, the reaction of their daughters was her number one priority. And the reaction of Deacon when he found out he was Maddie's father.

Deacon got quiet for a minute. "And you're worried what they're gonna think of us being together."

"A little," she conceded. "You've always been Uncle Deacon. It'll be different now." It would be different, in more ways than he realized. The thought left a hard ache in her chest, wondering how Maddie would react. Would she accept him? And would he ever forgive her? She knew the instant they stepped foot off the bus in Tennessee, nothing would ever be the same again.

"Ray, I know those girls think Teddy hung the moon, but they wouldn't even have a world without you," Deacon said without hesitation. "You are everything to them, and you know what? If they're any bit as tough as their mama, they'll get through it with you helping 'em."

Rayna sighed and leaned back against his chest and let him stroke her hair. He reached over and turned the light off.

"You're right," she murmured as he gently pushed her backwards against the pillows and they melted into each other, argument forgotten. "Time to go home and face the music."

"Although," Deacon said as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in tighter against him. "I really am gonna miss this tiny ass bed. Kinda get used to sleeping in this one position every night all bent up and tucked in. It's a wonder how we haven't ended up on the floor yet."

She smiled in the dark, as he kissed her neck, and shifted in his arms to face him. "I'd take this over a king sized bed at home or in a hotel any day. Now I remember why we always got into fights at the end of the tour."

"Why's that," he murmured as his hands found their way under that old tshirt and lifted it over her head to fling it aside, and he rolled on top of her, finding her mouth with his and kissing every inch of her skin until her until her toes curled and heat pooled in her stomach, and her need for him was overwhelming.

"Because," she whispered. "Making up before we go home is so damn much fun."

"It sure is, darlin," he laughed softly in the dark as he kissed her again. "It sure as hell is."

Sure, Deacon Claybourne was a kickass guitar player, but it wasn't his guitar playing that had ever made her fall in love with him all those years ago. It was the way he made her feel like she was the only woman in the world, the way he showed her the sides of him he kept from everyone else. He'd done that from the first day they ever locked eyes across a crowded room. He did it now alone in the dark as he loved her like no one else truly ever had.

Tomorrow morning they'd wake up in Nashville. Rayna had no idea what it would bring, but she knew as long as she went to sleep in those arms and woke up in them again, the world would keep right on turning. And for now, that was enough.


	10. Chapter 10

**Nashville**

Rayna watched from across the SoundCheck parking lot as the buses were unloaded and the bags were sorted out, the rest of her lighting and production crew members milling around waiting for their luggage to appear.

Teddy stood next to her. They didn't touch, stiff shouldered, watching from out of earshot as the girls giggled while Deacon teased them and handed over packages with a couple souvenirs he'd been collected for them along the tour.

Deacon had touched her heart picking up the china dolphin for Daphne as they browsed a thrift shop one day in Denver several weeks ago. _You think she would like this? I mean, I gave Maddie that guitar and I want her to keep it. I feel like I should get her a little something. So she's not left out."_

 _"I'm sure she would, she loves dolphins. How did you know?"_

 _He shrugged, kind of embarrassed, and put it back down. "She's got one on that necklace she always wears."_

 _With a smile Rayna picked it up and put it back in his hand. "She'll love it."_

 _"I know we got to wait awhile before we tell them about us," he said. "But I just want em to be okay with me. Being around and all. When they're ready."_

 _"You don't have to buy them things for that," Rayna said, having to reserve herself from reaching for his hand. They'd played two sold out shows in Denver last night. The paparazzi were all over them in this town, and the rumor mills were swirling. It didn't help that back home, Teddy had been spotted himself several times with Peggy. "They love you, Deacon. They always have."_

 _"I know. But I want to."_

After spending the last months on the road with Deacon, Teddy felt like such a stranger to her now as they stood there watching their daughters. The fact that they'd ever shared a house, a life, a family felt like a distant memory. It brought an ache in her, not for what she'd lost, but for what her girls had lost. Their lives would never be the same.

They'd agreed to tell the girls about the divorce when she got home today. But there was something else she knew was time to come out as well.

"I'm going to tell him," she said quietly to Teddy. "Deacon. I'm going to tell him about Maddie. Not…right away, but soon."

"Rayna, you can't," Teddy said in a low voice, glancing at the girls again. "You promised me on the day she was born." There was a fierce desperation in his tone. "She's _my_ daughter, Rayna. You can't take her away from me."

"Teddy…I understand what you're scared of. But Maddie will never stop being yours." she said softly but firmly. She watched the girls as they hugged Deacon and thanked him again for the gifts. The fear lingered. She wondered if he could ever possibly understand why she'd done the things she had back then. "I know you can't see it right now, but this is the right thing to do."

Teddy did not look the least bit convinced, and she could see the anger brimming under his worried expression, the tension radiating off of him like a nuclear reactor about the explode.

With a sigh she stepped forward towards the girls, purposefully ending the conversation. "Girls, say goodbye to Uncle Deacon," she called. "Daddy and I have plans for you this afternoon."

Her heart melted as she approached to hear the end of their conversation.

"I still need to give you your guitar back," Maddie said to Deacon, troubled. "I didn't meant to keep it so long."

"You go ahead and keep that one," he said easily. "I bet it likes you better anyway."

Maddie's face shined. "Really?"

"Sure, why not? Maybe I can come over and give you a lesson one of these days. That is, if it's alright with your mama," he sent a smile in Rayna's direction.

"I think that would be just fine," Rayna said before Teddy could comment.

"Come on girls," Teddy cut off anymore interaction, gently propelling them away. "How about some ice cream?"

Daphne cheered as they headed towards the car.

Rayna lingered back for a minute, a lump growing in her throat as she watched them skip off happily. "Here goes nothing I guess," she said softly.

Deacon stood next to her. They didn't touch, because they couldn't, but the energy flowed between them as deep as a river, just like it always had.

His eyes met hers silently. _Here if you need me._

 _Thanks, Babe._

With a sigh, she forced herself to walk away.

Today, everything would change.

################################

 **2 weeks later….**

Teddy rapped lightly on Maddie's open bedroom door. It was late, after 11, and she was still awake, sitting up in bed with earphones in and a guitar on her lap, humming softly to herself and picking out chords quietly. He stood there unnoticed for a few minutes, just listening to her play. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was almost thirteen already. Where had that time gone? It seemed like yesterday she'd just been a little girl still falling asleep on his lap with her teddy bear every night, and now she was so grown up already, so unbelievably sweet and beautiful and talented.

His daughters were his whole world.

It had been a hard couple weeks. He'd moved out of the house at Belle Meade and into his new place across town. Him and Rayna had signed all the paperwork, worked out a suitable custody arrangement, and more amicably than he had figured on, settled the divorce. It was over now. Time for them both to move on with their new lives. The press had been easier to deal with than they both imagined, and word about his relationship with Peggy was out as well. The girls were putting up a good front, but it was clear they were hurting. Maddie especially, had been spending more time alone in her room. Her heart has always been in lost in song. But the older she got, the farther she seemed to get from him lately no matter how hard he tried to understand her. The divorce had just made it ten times worse.

As he watched her now, he wondered if the distance between them could ever be fixed. Rayna had made it perfectly clear she intended to tell Deacon he was Maddie's father, and proceed from there with telling Maddie. He didn't give a damn about Deacon's reaction. Maddie's would be the only one that really mattered.

"Time for bed, sweetheart," he said a little louder.

Maddie slipped off the headphones and looked up at him. "Just ten more minutes, Dad? I just want to get this one part right so I can play this song for Mom when we go home tomorrow."

"You know Maddie, this is your home now too."

Her face got pensive. "It just doesn't feel like it yet, Dad. I'm sorry."

"Alright," he sighed. "Ten more minutes. But that's it."

"Thanks," She picked up the guitar again and adjusted the tuning pegs.

That guitar. Teddy forced down the bitter taste that rose in his mouth. Maddie had brought it home weeks ago before Rayna left on tour, and barely put it down since. _Look, Dad! Uncle Deacon said I could borrow this while he's gone on tour with Mom. It's so much nicer than my old one._

He'd tried to protest, to no avail. _You don't need to go borrowing Deacon's guitars, Maddie. I can buy you a new one if you need one._

Maddie had laughed. _Dad. You're not musical, you don't know anything about buying guitars. And I like this one. It's broken in. Kinda makes it special, you know?_

She didn't know how much she unknowingly hurt him with those words. Music was the one connection him and Maddie were never going to have. And he feared it was the one he was going to lose her to. He was never going to bond with her over a new song, or teach her how to play new chords on her guitar. She had always thought "Uncle Deacon" was cooler than him. What would she think now that she found out she had more of a connection to him that she had imagined?

"Dad?" Maddie asked tentatively as he turned to go.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

""Do you love her?" Maddie asked, her voice edged in sadness. "That woman. Peggy. Do you love her more than you love Mom?"

"Maddie," Teddy sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed. "I know this is so hard for you right now. Your mother and I will always love each other. But there is a difference between being in love with someone and loving them. And when you are older you will understand."

It was obvious from the distrustful look on Maddie's face, that it was not a good enough answer.

"Do you think Mom… is in love with Deacon?" she pressed. "Because she told us that he's her boyfriend now. And he's been at the house a lot."

A lump rose up in his throat. "I don't know. That is not my place to tell you that."

Maddie had been thinking about it all afternoon, listening to some of her mom's really old songs. The ones she'd written with Deacon. Her mom had always said they'd been friends for a really long time, and Deacon was family.

And then Daphne had gone right out and blurted it out at dinner last week, to her embarrassment.

 _Are you guys like boyfriend and girlfriend now?_

Her mom's face had gotten all red, and Deacon got a funny smile, but there was something in the way they looked at each other, the way they held hands under the table when they thought no one was looking. They weren't fooling anyone.

Maddie didn't think she'd ever seen her mom and dad look at each other across the table that way. If she wasn't so mad at both of her parents right now, she would have thought it was kind of cute. And she liked Deacon. So she guessed it was okay. She didn't like Peggy as much. Peggy wore too much perfume and kissed her and Daphne's cheeks like they were both babies.

"I think that's enough questions," Teddy said with a sigh, rising from the edge of the bed. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Good night, Maddie. Don't stay up too long."

"I won't," Maddie put the earbuds back in as her dad disappeared out the door, and she leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes, with one of her mom's oldest and most beloved songs playing softly in her ears. She'd heard "Rain on a Tin Roof" hundreds of times before, but never listened to the words of the sad song that closely. Now…she just wished she could understand it.

 _His eyes are blue just like the ocean_

 _His heart is a river free_

 _And now and then he gets the notion_

 _And he finds his way to me_

 _He tells me he'll be back to see me_

 _Every time he has to go_

 _And I keep wondrin' just when that'll be_

 _Cause with him you never know_

 _His love's like…_

 _Rain on a tin roof_

 _The sweet song of a summertime storm_

 _And oh the way that it moves you_

 _It's a melody of passion raging on_

 _And then it's gone…._

Or maybe, Maddie thought as she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to fall asleep with a few stray tears rolling down her cheeks. Maybe she was afraid to know what it meant after all.

########################

Across town, Rayna couldn't fall asleep either, despite the weight of Deacon's arm on her hip and the warmth of the blankets that enveloped the two of them. It should have been such a comfort, being back in this bed in this house with him, where they'd made so many songs and so much love happen all those years ago.

" _God, this feels so right"_ , he'd said earlier as they sat by the fire wrapped in each other's arms, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. " _I think we should put it out there, Ray. I want the world to know. Be my date for the CMA Awards next week?"_

 _She smiled, and turned a little in his arms to press a kiss to his lips. "I'd love to, Babe."_

 _Satisfied with that answer, he pulled her in closer until she rested her head against his shoulder._

 _"I wish it could have been like this years ago," he murmured. "Could have been a family of our own."_

Those words had hit her so hard, and lingered still as she laid there in his arms and he slept next to her, completely unaware. She'd been trying to figure out the right moment for days, and she had realized tonight, there was never going to be one. There was no good time to tell a man he had a child he didn't know was his. There was no good time to blow up her daughter's life by revealing the father she adored was not biologically hers.

A good time would have been thirteen years ago.

"Deacon," she whispered, reaching out to touch his face in the dark.

"Hmmm?" He stirred next to her.

"I have to tell you something."

"What is it, Baby?" he murmured burying his face in her hair and tightening his arms around her.

She gazed up at him, and his sleepy blue eyes held so much love that it almost took her breath away. He had waited so long for her, and fought so many battles, and somehow come of it a better version of the same man she'd fallen in love with. She _owed_ him the truth.

"What you wanna to tell me, Ray?"

"Nothing." She whispered, forcing a smile. "I love you. That's all." She leaned up and kissed him gently.

"Love you too."

 _Tomorrow_ , she thought, as she closed her eyes and let him pull her in tighter against him.

There was always tomorrow.

###################################

 **Saturday Afternoon**

"What are we looking for again?" Talia wrinkled her nose as she peered at her laptop.

Maddie sat next to her on the bed, doing a similar internet search on her phone. "I'm not really sure," she admitted, biting her lip. "Old stuff about my mom and Deacon. Like from before she married my dad, so maybe like...15 years ago?"

Talia smirked and turned her computer around to show off a picture she'd found. "Is that your mom? What is wrong with her hair?"

Maddie groaned in embarrassment. "I guess maybe that was the style back then. Totally not cool."

"That must have been like a million years ago."

Maddie rolled her eyes. Talia had been her best friend since she was in preschool, but sometimes she was…a little annoying. She took the laptop and examined the picture of her Mom and Deacon onstage at the Opry. Something about the way they looked at each other…

 _That's how they look at each other now,_ she realized. She skimmed over the article and realized it was from fall 1998 and talked about her Mom's career, and how she was no longer singing with Deacon. _Wait, what?_ She thought. It was all so confusing. _Where did he go?_ At the bottom there was a picture of Rayna with a guitarist Maddie had never seen on stage. Her smile looked forced.

Maddie stared at the picture for so long that Talia waved a hand in front of her face. "Um hello?"

"I need to go," she said quickly. "I need to go home."

"But I thought we were having a sleepover?" Talia asked, confused.

Maddie didn't stop, she just walked out the front door, and kept going. Her mom's house was only five blocks from Talia's. By the time she got close to home, tears were running down her face. There were no cars in the driveway. Her mom was doing a show downtown tonight. And her dad thought she was at Talia's.

She sat in her room for a long time trying to decide what to do and what to believe, before with her heart hammering, she slowly down the hall to her mom's room. All the important stuff was there, in the closet. The baby pictures. The birth certificates. She'd never been allowed to look in that metal box, but she knew exactly where it was.

With shaking hands she kneeled down and pulled it off the bottom shelf and slowly opened it in front of her.

There were lots of pictures of her and Daphne when they were little, organized in neat stacks in little photo books. Some tax stuff she knew nothing about. And their birth certificates. She breathed a sigh as she read the names. Hers looked exactly like Daphne's. Name of father: Theodore Conrad.

The next piece of paper to emerge was her parents' marriage certificate. They'd been married in November of 1998. She'd been born in March of 1999. According to that article Talia had found earlier, her mom had married Teddy a mere month after breaking up with Deacon. And then Deacon had just…disappeared, and no one seemed to know where he was or why.

The sinking feeling she'd had earlier started to take over again, and hurriedly she started putting the papers back into the box, telling herself she didn't want to know what they were hiding after all.

 _"You ask too many questions, Maddie_ ," her dad had always teased her since she was little. " _Don't you know curiousity killed the cat?_ "

She was beginning to understand exactly what that meant.

As Maddie was putting the last stack of papers back in the box, one slipped out and fell at her feet. She picked it up, and read the words across the top. _Paternity Test Results April 99 Subject Madeline Jade Conrad._

She didn't understand the chart or the markings but the results were written plain as day across the bottom.

No matter what name Rayna had written on that birth certificate, there was no way Teddy Conrad was her father.

Sobbing, Maddie put the metal box back, but she kept the piece of paper. She cried in her room for a long time before she left the house again and started walking. She couldn't go back to Talia's. And she didn't think she could face her dad.

So using the credit card that was only for emergencies, she called a cab to take her to the one person she hoped would answer all her questions, the one person she knew would never lie to her.

15 minutes later, she was standing on Deacon's front porch.

 **####Song mention: Rain on a Tin Roof by Julie Roberts**


	11. Chapter 11

**Maddie**

Maddie stood on that front porch scared to death. She stared at that big red door for a long time, biting her bottom lip and debating whether or not to knock. She'd been to this house lots of times. Some of her earliest memories were running around the backyard with Daphne while her mom and Deacon worked on songs. But everything was different now.

 _Maybe I should just go._ Maybe he would just think she was a dumb kid mad at her parents.

Or maybe he had known all along. The thought had never even entered her mind until then.

Maybe he just didn't want to be a dad.

Tears filled her eyes. She didn't really want to believe that. Deacon had always been so good to her and Daphne. Suddenly uncertain, she turned to go.

But then the door opened and the choice was made for her. Deacon was all dressed up, ready to leave for somewhere. And then she remembered her mom was playing on the stage at the amphitheater downtown tonight. He was probably on his way to meet her.

"Hey sweetie," he said, a little confused. "You looking for your mom? She's not here, we have that show tonight."

Maddie shook her head, suddenly at a loss for words.

"Is everything okay?"

The words came out in a rush before she could stop herself.

"I think that you might be my father."

################################

Deacon was surprised in the first place to find Maddie on his front porch, because although they'd spent enough time together over the years, she had never bothered to seek him out much before without Rayna. It was obvious she was upset, probably at both of her parents. Rayna had told him both the girls were taking the divorce hard.

But the words that came out of her mouth completely floored him. He wasn't sure where she'd gotten the idea or what exactly to say. "Uh…what?"

She repeated it, and nope, he definitely hadn't heard her wrong the first time. He let out a sigh. "Maddie why don't you come in for a minute, huh?"

She swiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeve as he led her into the house into the kitchen, got her a chair and a glass of water.

"Now," he said gently as he sat down on the chair in front of her. "Wanna tell me what's going on? You mad at your Mom and Dad, is that what this is about?"

Maddie bit her lip. She was in it now, as they said. No going back.

She withdrew the piece of paper from her pocket with the paternity test results written on it.

"If you aren't my dad," she said, starting to cry. "Then who is?"

Stunned, Deacon looked at the piece of paper she had handed over. Results of a paternity test dated spring of 1999. A zero percent chance that Theodore Conrad was the father of infant baby girl Conrad.

Zero percent. That number kept jumping out at him, and an ache started in his chest that built until he almost couldn't breathe.

"Honey, I just don't think that's….possible. Your mom would have told me."

But as he said the words to the broken hearted little girl in front of him, the pieces were already connecting in his mind, mostly over Rayna's concern about the night they'd broken up at the cabin, how she'd been so worried he didn't remember, her relief when she realized he did.

Maddie sobbed harder.

He had never felt more helpless, more conflicted as he patted her back and tried to figure out what to say to make it better and at the same time tried to calm the turmoil that was building inside of him. He couldn't lose it in front of this kid when he honestly and truly had no idea if there was any truth to this.

When she said she was ready,he drove her back to Teddy's house because Rayna, of course, was not home. She was waiting downtown at the venue for him to show up. Maddie didn't say a word, just kept staring out the window.

He didn't know what else to say, just numb in that moment as he drove, trying to tell himself it must have been a mistake, that this half grown girl sitting next to him couldn't possibly be his own child and he had never known.

When he parked at the curb in front of Teddy's house, Maddie just sat there for a second. She looked so forlorn and miserable, that in that moment he didn't think he'd ever been so goddamn furious at Rayna in the two and a half decades that he had known her. If it was true… _s_ he'd been lying to him for the better part of the thirteen years they hadn't been together. She'd kept right on lying to him for weeks all the nights she fell asleep and woke up in his arms. Every show they'd played in the last few months, every song they'd written together… and that lie had been hanging over the two of them.

And worse, she'd lied to Maddie as well.

"Listen, he said haltingly. "I'm gonna…talk to your mama, okay? We'll get this straightened out. I'm sure it's just a mistake, Maddie."

 _She would have told me._

"Right," Maddie whispered. Or maybe she had been the mistake all along. "What if it isn't?" And suddenly Deacon looked a lot less mad and really lost, like maybe he was gonna cry too, and it made her sad. She thought maybe he really loved her mom. He'd always kinda looked at her that way, even when she'd been married to Teddy. Maybe he'd loved her before too.

"I'm not sure what to tell you," he said honestly, "that is going to be the right or wrong answer. But I'll tell you what. If you need me, all you have to do is call, okay? Any time. You already have my number from your mom, right?"

Maddie nodded and climbed out of the truck.

Deacon walked her to the door, and Teddy flung it open, clearly upset. "Maddie where have you been? You said you were staying at Talia's, and her mother called and said you left."

Then he saw Maddie's distressed face, Deacon's face brimming with quiet anger.

And Teddy knew instantly. "What the hell?"

Slowly Deacon handed the paper Maddie had given him back to Teddy. "Your daughter would like an explanation," he said quietly. "Maybe you can give her a better one than I can."

And he turned and walked away before he said things he knew he'd regret later.

########################################

 **Rayna**

She couldn't believe Deacon had not shown up, and she was beyond pissed. Bucky had given her the news a half hour before the show started that they needed to call in a back up guitar player.

" _What?"_ _Rayna panicked as she paced backstage, reaching for her phone. But there were no missed calls or messages._ " _Did something happen? Is he okay?"_

 _Bucky looked hesitant. "Did you two get into a fight or something, Ray? Because all he said to me was 'find her a new guitar player. I quit.'"_

 _"Well, that's ridiculous," she said indignantly. "I'll call him right now._

 _But Deacon's phone was off. And she had fifteen minutes to go onstage. Reluctantly she ran through the setlist for the night's show at the outdoor theater with the backup, Pete, and tried not to worry. But she couldn't shake the sinking feeling that something was very very wrong._

When she came off the set, there were fourteen missed calls from Teddy.

She dialed his number with shaking hands as she walked quickly towards the exit, and waved Bucky to make her excuses. "I need to go, Buck. Just…get me out of the meet and greet or whatever is after this. Tell them I had a family emergency."

Teddy answered on the first ring, and his words shattered everything. "She knows, Rayna. Maddie knows."

Her heart stopped. "What? But that's impossible."

"Well I don't know how she found the paternity test, and I don't know why the hell you didn't shred that years ago, but she did." Teddy said angrily. "And I need you here to help me fix this."

"Okay," tears blurred her eyes as she approached her waiting limo. "I'll be there soon."

Teddy hung up as she looked up and realized Deacon was standing there waiting for her in the parking lot, dressed up like he'd been reading to come and play and never made it. Leaning against the side of the limo with his head down looking very much like a broken man.

 _Maddie went to him,_ she realized, and what was left of her world crumbled.

He looked up as she approached, and she reached out to touch his coatsleeve, but he yanked his arm away.

"Maddie came to see me," he said, trying to keep his voice level.

She swallowed hard. "I know."

"She wants to know who her father is, Ray. Because according to that piece of paper you've been hiding, it's not Teddy," his voice got progressively louder. "But it couldn't be me, right? Because there's no way you would have not told me. There's no _way_ that you would have let me stand on a stage next to you for 13 damn years and not told me that I had a daughter, that we could have spent all these last weeks together and you would have _not told me."_

She tried to find the right words but they stuck in her throat like sand paper. "Deacon, I…"

"Rayna," he said, almost bordering on desperation. "Just tell me it's not true."

"I can't," she whispered.

"She's mine?"

"Yes. She's yours."

He wanted to say so many things that he didn't even know where to start. _How is that possible?_ He knew exactly how it was possible. He'd been a mess back then. In and out of rehab, unable to stay sober to save his own life. There were days…weeks even he'd been so out of it he barely remembered a anything.

But he remembered the night he'd put that ring on Rayna's finger. And that had been the last night they'd been together, the last night he'd held her in his arms before he went into rehab for the fifth and final time. _Why? Just why?_

"Deacon, please," she reached out for him again, her hand trembling. "Just listen to me. You know how you were back then. And Maddie…she needed a father. I did what I thought was the right thing by marrying Teddy."

He took a few steps backwards forcefully, out of her arms reach. "The right thing? I got sober, Rayna. And I stayed that way. And you still didn't tell me."

Tears were rolling down her face. "Do you remember what happened before you went back to rehab the last time? Because I do. You came to my apartment."

 _She didn't want to let him in. She was scared to let him in. But then again she was scared of what would happen to him wandering around out on the street if she didn't. With a heavy heart, she unlocked the door._

 _Of course, he was completely wasted. "Where is he?" he wandered down her hallway. "If he's here, I'll break his neck. If he lays one hand on you…."_

 _He was looking for Teddy. Of course._

 _"He's not here, Deacon," she said, trying to placate him. "No one is here but me, okay?"_

 _Truthfully, she was scared to death. That plus sign on the pregnancy test last week had been the biggest wake up call she'd ever had. As much as she wanted to believe the man she'd fallen in love with was still inside of him, as much as she wanted to help him, she couldn't keep living like this. It wasn't just her life at stake anymore._

 _She wanted to tell him. More than anything she wanted to tell him about the baby. Maybe it would calm his demons somehow, give him a reason to see he needed help. Tandy and Teddy had so far talked her out of it, and watching this scene tonight, her heart broke as she realized they were right._

 _"Rayna, I know you're still seeing him," his eyes were wild and his speech was slurred. "It's all over town, all over the damn papers. I know it!"_

 _"I'm not," she lied. "I love you, Deacon. You know that."_

 _Nothing she said would calm him down, and pretty soon one of her kitchen chairs had hit the wall, and her grandmother's china plates were in pieces on the floor._

 _Sobbing, she locked herself in the bedroom, and did the only think she could think of. She called the police._

He did remember that night. He didn't want to, but he did. The look on her face as they had dragged him out of her apartment in handcuffs had been the rock bottom that nearly killed him. He'd been sent to a rehab facility out of state the next day. But that time had been different. It worked that time. He got sober, and stayed that way. It was too late for him and Rayna, though. By the time he got out, she was married to Teddy and having a baby. His baby, apparently. He wondered if Teddy had known right from the beginning.

"I got better, Ray. I got sober and I stayed that way for a long time," he said, his voice cracking. "And you still didn't have enough faith in me to tell me. You let Teddy Conrad have 13 years of her life that should have been mine."

"I have never lost faith in you," she said desperately. "I've just been trying to find the right time, and I just…I didn't want to blow up Maddie's life, or yours."

"If Maddie hadn't have found out, would you have ever told me?"

"Of course I would have!" Rayna said vehemently, her voice shaking.

He shook his head slowly. "I don't believe you."

And for that, he didn't think he could ever forgive her.

Without a single glance backwards, Deacon turned and walked away and left her standing there in the parking lot with tears streaming down her face.

He walked and walked until he found exactly what he was looking for. With a heavy sigh and an angry broken heart, he pulled open the door to the dimly lit corner pub and stepped inside.

################################  
 **Rayna**

There are moments when you look back and wonder how you ever survived the pain.

Rayna'd had those moments many times before. Every time she'd watched Deacon go through those rehab doors all those years ago and wonder if he would come back out alive. Holding her baby girl and knowing he would not get the chance to be her father. The day she had married Teddy, knowing her heart would always want someone else. Finding out the husband she had given her loyalty was not only a thief, but a cheater. Every time she had somehow survived. The world kept turning. The day ended, and the next morning another one began and she was still breathing.

Now, watching her world implode around her once again, she didn't know how they'd ever survive this one. Watching Deacon walk away from her tonight with that absolute broken look in his eyes may have been the second worst pain she'd ever felt.

Because now she had to explain to their daughter.

She arrived at Teddy's house to find Maddie having a meltdown in her bedroom, in absolute hysterics.

"So Deacon is my real father," she demanded. "And you didn't tell me."

"Yes, Maddie, he is."

"He's your biological father," Teddy tried to reassure her. "I'm still your dad."

"But you didn't tell him either," Maddie cried accusingly in her mother's direction. "He never even had a choice if he wanted to be my dad," and then she turned to Teddy. "How could you marry her when she was pregnant by someone else?"

"Maddie, it was a complicated situation," Rayna she said, trying to soothe her. "We did what was best for you because we loved you so much, and we wanted you to have a family-."

"You lied," Maddie cut her off. "Because you didn't want anyone to know. Were you ashamed of Deacon, is that why? What did he do, Mom? I thought you loved him? Why would you lie?"

"Because he was an alcoholic." Teddy cut in angrily. "Is that what you want to hear, Maddie? That he couldn't be your dad because he was a drunk?"

"Teddy!" Rayna glared at him, appalled. "Just stop."

But Maddie was already beyond the point of consolation.

"Maddie, we cannot leave this situation like this," Rayna said firmly. "I know you don't understand but-."

"I understand fine!" Maddie cried bitterly. "You're a liar and I hate you. I wish I'd never even been born, because obviously I ruined everything. Just get out, please."

Rayna looked so shocked to hear those words come out of her firstborn child's mouth, that for a second Teddy felt genuinely sorry for her as he watched tears well up in her eyes.

He rubbed his eyes wearily, and gently put his hand on Rayna's elbow to lead her out into the hall. Maddie made short work of slamming the door shut the instant they were out, and quickly clicking the lock behind them.

"You need to go," Teddy said. "Just give her tonight, she'll be calmer in the morning."

She started to protest, but he was right, as hard as it was to admit it. And she had another situation of her own to deal with.

As she left Teddy's feeling like just about the worst failure as a parent in the world, she tried calling Deacon again, to no avail. Went past his house, even called Scarlett, some of the other guys in the band to see if they'd heard from him _._ With shaking hands she dialed Coleman's number. But hours later, he was still nowhere to be found.

################################

Deacon had been staring at the highball glass in front of him so long that the jack on the rocks had turned to jack and water. Next to his glass on the bar, the last chip he'd gotten at a meeting back in June, the one that had declared another year of sobriety, taunted him. There were twelve of them now, not a single one easily earned. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. Any alcoholic would tell you it was a battle you never really stopped fighting.

And here he was again.

The bartender cleared his throat, and the click of heels on the wooden floor behind him made him glance over his shoulder. Of all the people in the world Rayna would send looking for him, her sister was the last one he'd expected. Tandy had her arms crossed and a pinched look across her face that said he was about to get an earful. And that was the last thing he was in the mood for at that moment.

"This is ain't any of your business," he cut Tandy off before she could say a word. "So you can go on back and tell Rayna you found me in a bar just like she told you you would, and -."

"I beg to differ," Tandy said without a moment's hesitation. "My sister is busy dealing with a hysterical little girl who just found out her father isn't her father. She doesn't need to deal with you killing yourself on the same night. She's got half the god forsaken city of Nashville out looking for you. Lucky me, I guess I'm the winner." She slid onto the empty barstool next to him.

"That seat's taken."

She gave him a look. "Cut the crap, Deacon. You seem to think you're the only one hurting in this situation. You think any of this has been easy on her? She held this secret for a long time. It takes a toll on a person."

He swallowed hard and stared at the glass. "She lied to me. She could have told me when Maddie was three or five or ten…and she didn't believe in me enough to do that."

"She was trying to protect your little girl. Nobody's perfect. And wouldn't you? Wouldn't you do anything you could to keep that smile on Maddie's face? To keep her safe and happy?"

"Of course I would."

"Then me and that glass are not the one you should be having this conversation with."

"I don't think I can even look at her right now."

"It's my fault," Tandy said without hesitation. "Daddy and I convinced her it was the right thing to do for the baby to marry Teddy. For Maddie to have a real father. But I'm not sorry I did it. You were a drunk, Deacon. Unpredictable, undependable, and unreliable."

He winced at those words. Tandy had always been brutally honest what she thought of him.

"Maybe it was back then," he said in a low voice. "But I'm not anymore."

"You're sitting in a bar at the first sign of trouble, aren't you?"

He didn't know what to say to that, how to explain it, that glass sitting in front of him. For the first time in a long time, he didn't want to drink it. He just wanted to sit there and know that he could not do it. To know that even as shitty as he felt in that moment, he didn't need booze to survive the pain. It hurt, sure. And that emptying that glass would have made it all go away for one night. But tomorrow morning the truth would still be there. And so would Maddie and Rayna and everything tonight's revelations meant.

"I don't owe you any explanations, Tandy."

Tandy sighed, clearly disappointed. "You're right. You don't. But she tried to tell me you were different now."

"Does it matter?"

"Hell yes it matters. I love my sister, and I love my niece. I would rather not see you let them down again." Tandy's voice softened a little. "I only tried to protect her, Deacon. After her mom died…well you met Lamar. He was never exactly father of the year. All we had was each other. And you know…Rayna loves you. She always has. So I think it's probably past time for you and I to bury the hatchet and learn to like each other instead of just pretending."

"I've had enough motivational therapy for one night, but thanks anyway." Deacon shoved the glass back towards the bartender. Then he stood up and stalked towards the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" Tandy demanded, rising to her feet, hot on his heels.

"None of your damn business."

"So that's it, huh? You're just going to walk out of here and go run away and sulk somewhere," She said, appalled. "And leave Rayna to deal with this on her own? Just like she did back then."

He shot her a scathing look. _This is her idea of burying the hatchet, huh?_ He thought. _She'd rather bury it in my back._

"You know Deacon, maybe you haven't changed that much after all."

Deacon said nothing, just opened the door and walked out.

With a sigh, Tandy took out her cell phone to call her sister. Something caught her eye from the edge of the bar as she sat there waiting for Rayna to pick up, and with trepidation she picked up the sober chip that Deacon had left behind.

"Hey honey," she said softly as her sister picked up. "How are things going? I'll be at your place in a little while, okay?"

Rayna was inconsolable on the other end of the phone. "Did you find him? I'm so worried. Oh god, he's not in a bar, is he? If he drinks again…I just don't think we could ever go back from it this time."

"I found him," Tandy fibbed, staring at the chip in her hand. "He's okay. Said he was going home to think about some things."

That seemed to calm Rayna a little.

"I'll be there in a little while, okay?"

Tandy pressed the end call button, and sat there with her head in her hands for a few minutes, trying to regain her composure over the truth she'd just glossed over to her sister.

After all, she thought silently. If there was one thing they were good at in the Wyatt family, it was lying to protect the ones they loved.

#########################################

Maddie stayed locked in her room at her dad's house the rest of the night. She couldn't stop crying. She felt bad she'd told her mom she hated her. She felt bad that she ruined everything. She had so many questions she wanted to ask all of them, and now she was scared to know. What if what Teddy had said was true? Was Deacon really an alcoholic? She didn't think it could be. He'd never seen him drink anything except a million bottles of water when she was backstage at her mom's shows, even when other people were drinking beer and champagne and stuff.

Looking through the old picture album from when her and Daphne were little made her question things even more as her tears dripped on the page. They looked happy, her mom and Teddy. Like a real family. But maybe it was all a lie. After all, her dad was dating Peggy now too. And he seemed happier than he had been in a long time.

She didn't know what to believe, who to trust anymore. Even Talia didn't understand. _You have two dads?_ She'd said. _That means you get twice as much stuff. Two households. Double vacations._ _Double holidays._

She didn't care about any of that. All she wanted was her family back the way it was.

Slowly she crossed the room and picked up the worn stuffed dog Deacon had given her a long long time ago, for her birthday when she was six. All the fur was rubbed off its ears by now from sleeping with it when she was younger, but she still rubbed it for good luck all the time. She put the dog in a safe spot on her pillow, and then her eyes strayed to the guitar in the corner. The one he'd given her to keep. And that had been before he knew he was her dad.

Deacon had always been there, in her life, she realized, and she'd never really thought about it much before. Maybe it hadn't been as a dad, but an uncle was a good close second. And her mom had made sure of that.

She couldn't hate her for that.

With a few more tears, she turned out the light, climbed into bed and put her earphones in, trying to drown out the pain of the entire night the only way she knew how: with music.

She was almost asleep when she got a text message. _It's Deacon. I just wanted to make sure you're okay._

 _I'm really mad at my mom right now,_ Maddie typed back before she could stop herself.

 _I know you are, but she loves you anyway. If you need anything, just call okay?_

 _Kind of like a dad_ , she thought, closing her eyes.

Maybe having two dads wouldn't be so bad after all.

 **######### This got really long, so looks like there will have to be one more chapter. After all, making up is the best part….**


	12. Chapter 12

**A month later…**

Rayna walked up the path to the entrance of the girls' private school, well aware of the curious looks she was getting from other parents. She pasted on her best stage smile, nodding politely at people she knew who were all congregating to watch the fall performance of the seventh grade choir.

She had to admit some of her trepidation might have been because just twenty feet ahead of her, Teddy was walking into the school with Peggy Kentor attached firmly to his arm, and Daphne holding his hand on the other side. Rumor had it Teddy and Peggy were already planning a wedding. She knew this because she had been questioned about it repeatedly at all her press events this week.

 _I wish Teddy the best and nothing but happiness_ , she kept repeating. _His personal life is no longer my business._ She just wished for the sake of their daughters he wasn't so eager to flaunt it to the entire world.

Or maybe, she thought as she watched them together. Maybe it was a tad bit of jealousy. Teddy looked happier than he had in years.

And she had never been so miserable.

It had been a month since she'd seen or heard from Deacon, a month since he'd walked away from her in that parking lot with the confirmation that Maddie was indeed his daughter. Her calls had gone unreturned, her messages unanswered, but she knew he was okay, at least Deacon's version of "okay", because she'd targeted Scarlett relentlessly to check up on him. Scarlett's response that he was just Deacon being Deacon, needing some time alone to process things, and she tried to accept that. They were supposed to be leaving on the second half of the tour in two weeks. She had no idea if it was going to happen or not, a fact that was practically giving Bucky daily coronaries. _You haven't heard from him yet, Ray? We need to know. This tour…this is your career on the line. We've already told the press you and Deacon are dropping an album in six months. You need to fix this._

She didn't give a damn about any of that right now, about the tour or the album, or even the career.

She missed him.

It was worse, almost, than all those other times. When he'd been in rehab, she missed him with an understanding that it was where he needed to be. When she'd been married to Teddy, they'd still been a part of each other's lives every day. Now, he was staying away because he chose to. And that hurt like hell.

As she walked into the school and headed towards the auditorium, Daphne glanced over her shoulder and caught a glimpse of her mother then, and made a beeline.

"Hi, Mommy," She threw her arms around Rayna's waist. "I missed you this week."

"I missed you too, sweet girl. Let's find some seats."

Teddy greeted her with a nod, and Peggy was overly friendly as they took seats in the auditorium with Daphne in the middle making a safe zone. Thank god for her precious child between them, because she was not at all in a mood to be having small talk with the future Mrs. Mayor Conrad, who was gushing about what wonderful daughters they had. Indeed Peggy Kentor did not just talk. She _gushed_.

Rayna had almost forgotten just how annoying that woman was. And now Peggy was going to be part of the family. Lord help them all.

Just before the lights dropped, she looked up in surprise to see Deacon standing in the aisle next to her.

"This seat taken?" He asked quietly, gesturing toward the empty chair next to her.

"Of course not." She tried to recover from the shock, and the relief that he really _was_ okay. His eyes were clear and his face was clean-shaven. Old habits died hard. She'd seen Deacon fall so many times that it was incredibly hard for her mind not to go there, not to wonder if such a huge revelation could have ruined all those years he'd put in trying to stay sober and keep his life together.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Teddy muttered, just loud enough to be overheard.

Between them, Daphne watched the scene with wide eyes. She didn't really understand much of what had happened, only that Deacon was Maddie's dad now too, and nobody was supposed to know yet, or the camera people would follow them everywhere just like they'd done after her dad moved out. "Hi, Uncle Deacon!" she chimed in.

"Hey, kiddo." Deacon ignored the jab from Teddy, and directed his comment toward Rayna instead. "Maddie invited me. That okay?"

"Of course," Rayna said, feeling a lump rise in her throat.

They didn't talk, really. Just sat there and watched their daughter. Deacon's eyes were only on Maddie as the kids filed onto the stage. They sang a couple songs and then Maddie stepped forward with a guitar to lead the class in a solo.

Rayna had dreamed of moments like this once, that he would be able to share them with her not as the family friend or as the proud uncle, but as the parent. She had long ago accepted that things had happened the way they did for a reason. After all, if she wouldn't have married Teddy, she wouldn't have the sweet little girl in between them. Having it now, having Deacon sitting there next to her, it was a comfort somehow, soothed the ache that had been slowing eating her alive inside.

"She's really good," Deacon murmured, unable to hide the pride in his voice. Of course, he'd heard Maddie sing a hundred times before, but it was different now. She was his.

"Yes she is."

Rayna reached for his hand and tangled their fingers together and his gaze met hers in the dimly lit auditorium. He sighed a little, and after an agonizing minute, reluctantly pulled his hand back.

Tears burned her eyes. _Right. He's here for Maddie and that's it_ , she thought sadly. She couldn't let that get in the way of all her own pain. Somehow, they were going to have to learn how to deal with each other. They'd done it before, right? When she married Teddy, they'd shoved away all the pain and all the hurt to try to find a way to stay in each other's lives. But it was different this time, and they both knew it. She didn't know how they'd ever recover from this. Her music needed him. And her heart needed him too. There was no Rayna Jaymes without Deacon Claybourne.

When the concert was nearly over, Deacon handed her a paper-wrapped bouquet of flowers he'd brought for Maddie. "Tell Maddie I'm sorry I had to go," he said quietly. "And give her these for me."

And with that, he slipped out.

It took every ounce of strength Rayna had to keep that smile on her face as the kids took their final bow, and then Maddie came bounding off the stage towards them.

"Hey there's my girl, you were great," Teddy said as he wrapped her up in a hug.

"Thanks, Dad."

"These are from Deacon," Rayna said, handing her the bouquet.

"Oh they're so pretty, Mom." Maddie took a deep breath of the pink roses happily. "I'm so glad he came. He said he would."

Teddy looked annoyed as Peggy clung to his arm. "You've been talking to him?"

"He calls me every day." Maddie looked at her mom uncertainly. "That's okay, isn't it? I mean you said I could…see him and stuff if I wanted."

"Of course," Rayna said, forcing a smile, and choosing to ignore the pinched look on Teddy's face that said he was about ten seconds away from losing it. "You know Deacon loves you, sweetheart. He always has."

Maddie looked instantly relieved. "He said he's playing at the Bluebird tonight, that's why he wouldn't be able to stay."

 _Of course he would_ , she realized. It was the third Thursday. Apparently Deacon wasn't hiding from the rest of the world, he was only hiding from her. Some things never changed.

"Are you ready to go?" Teddy changed the subject abruptly, gesturing to the girls.

"I need to grab my things from backstage," Maddie said, and then a friend caught her eye waving. "I'll meet you in the front, Dad."

"Bye, sweetheart," Rayna reached for a hug first. "See you in a few days."

"Bye Mom, love you."

As soon as Maddie had disappeared and Daphne was a safe distance in front of them as they walked out of the auditorium and into the commons area, Teddy pulled Rayna off to one side and let her have an earful.

"Did you know about that? Her talking to Deacon?"

"We discussed it," Rayna conceded. "And I don't see anything wrong with it."

"Anything wrong with it?" Teddy demanded. " _I_ am her father, Rayna, not him. You should not be making decisions like that without discussing it with me first."

She could see other parents out of the corner of her eye giving them curious looks. _Great, all we need is a fight over parental rights on the front page of the Tennessean,_ she thought, irritated. _Y'all just go on and mind your own damn business._

"Teddy, I am not having this conversation with you here, and right now," she said firmly. "If Maddie wants Deacon in her life and he…is okay with being a father figure, they both have the right to that and I won't let you get in the way of it. This is not your choice to make."

"Is that a threat, Rayna? Are you threatening to take away my daughter?" Teddy asked incredulously.

"No, I am not. I am just asking you to share her." Rayna said quietly. "And I know that this is hard on all of us, but this is the way it's going to be. If you have a problem with it, you can contact my lawyer. Don't make me go there, Teddy. I don't want to, but if I need to I will."

Teddy rubbed his eyes wearily. "You know I don't want to fight with you over this, Rayna. I just…don't want to lose her."

"I would never let that happen. Maddie loves you and you will always be her father. But things are…changing," she said, glancing over his shoulder at where Daphne stood with Peggy _._ "For all of us. I guess we need to accept that and move on, don't we?"

"I guess we do."

"You look happy," she said sincerely, putting a hand on his arm. "I want you to be happy, Teddy."

 _You don't,_ Teddy wanted to say _._ He'd given up a long time ago trying to understand the pull that Deacon had on Rayna, after all the things he'd done and all the times he'd broken her heart. It was bigger, and more complicated, and more tangled than anyone else would ever understand. And still here Rayna was all these years later trying to untangle that knot and failing.

He didn't understand. But it wasn't his job to save her anymore.

"We are," he nodded, glancing at Peggy over her shoulder a short distance away. "I want that for you too, Rayna."

"Thanks. That means a lot to me."

With that final thought, Rayna walked forward and bid Daphne goodbye, and headed for her car, feeling suddenly renewed.

She hadn't given up on Deacon in almost two and a half decades, she sure as hell wasn't about to give up on him now.

######################

 **The Bluebird Café**

It was nearing the end of the writers' round by the time Rayna discreetly slipped through the back door of the Bluebird. She stood against the far wall, listening to the sweet hum of guitars and the words they accompanied. The Bluebird always had been special, a little corner of the world where magic in its purest form had a way of happening right before a person's eyes. A couple of the most talented songwriters in Nashville were in the circle tonight with Deacon.

No matter how many hundreds of times Rayna had been here, either in the crowd or on the stage, the magic never faded. There was so much of her and Deacon's history tied into this place, tiny little pieces and memories melted together over to make a much bigger story than she had ever imagined. This was where their song had truly begun. The last time they'd been here together had been months ago, when she'd sang _No One Will Ever_ _Love You_ with him. That night everything had fallen apart and come back together somehow at the same time.

 _If these four walls could talk,_ she thought, as she surveyed the crowd, who were absolutely mesmerized by the reverent scene happening in front of them. This _was_ Deacon. This was his perfect element. While he had always been comfortable on stage with her, he'd never been in it for fame or fortune. Knowing his songs moved people was enough to make him content.

"Hey Rayna I didn't know you were coming," The manager, Kelly, whispered as she greeted her with a hug. "Deacon didn't say anything. We could have had you sit in."

Rayna forced a smile. "He doesn't exactly know I'm here."

"Ahhh, you and him still on the 'outs'? I thought he seemed off tonight."

She didn't know exactly how to say it, but her friend didn't require an explanation.

"Listen, I know about that daughter of yours. The two of yours, I should say."

Rayna looked at her in surprise. "You do? Did he…tell you?"

"He did. There might be more people who have figured it out than you think. And it's none of my business," Kelly conceded. "But I hope the two of you can get past it. Just listen to his songs tonight, hon. They're not angry ones. They're pretty damn sad."

She soaked this in while Kelly disappeared into the crowd and she hung back and listened as Deacon started to play again with the other musicians in the round. The song he'd chosen was one she'd never heard before, but the words hit her hard. Deacon's truth always came out in his music.

 _Distance don't mean a thing_

 _I come when you pull the strings_

 _The strings of my heart_

 _Wherever you are_

 _Just pull, tug, tease…_

 _I keep comin' back, oh it's true_

 _I keep comin' back, that's what I do_

 _I'll retrace my tracks to you…_

 _Time isn't all it seems_

 _No measure of you and me_

 _Hours turn into days_

 _Though I'm far away_

 _Just pull, tug, tease…_

 _I'll keep coming back_

 _Oh it's true_

 _I'll keep coming back_

 _that's what I do_

Tears blurred Rayna's eyes, and she swiped them away quickly _. Is that how he feels?_ She wondered silently. _That I just keep yanking him back in to this mess I call my life?_

Towards the end of the song, Deacon caught her eye for a brief minute, and hope bloomed inside her as he held her gaze and sang the last line. _And the place where I land…is the palm of your hand…_ He looked away, but she'd seen it, and she'd felt it, that thing that always pulled them through the hurricane and back together. He wanted to fix this just as bad as she did. He was just too damn stubborn to admit it.

When the concert was over, she spoke with friends, lingered, waited until some of the crowd and the other artists cleared out, and until she saw Deacon head for the dressing room in the back, where she knew he'd be packing up his guitars. Kelly caught her eye and gave her a knowing look.

Without another second's hesitation, she followed him.

He had his back to her when she walked in, his arms braced against the wall, head down. And then in typical Deacon stance, he looked up and noticed her standing in the doorway, moved as far away from her as he could get and stood there with his hands in his back pockets not saying a word, looking everywhere but at her.

"We need to talk," she said quietly, troubled. "We can't keep going on like this."

They did. And Deacon knew they did. The last month had given him a lot of time to think things over. Why she'd done it, why she'd kept the secret about Maddie so long. But he wasn't quite done being mad yet. Truthfully, he knew he needed to let it go, because they were never going to move on otherwise. He didn't know yet if he was more mad at Rayna, or at himself. For not knowing, not seeing all the signs that Maddie was his. For the way he'd been back then and all the choices she'd been forced to make. And maybe, he was hard-pressed to admit, it wasn't so much as mad as the fact that it hurt like hell. She'd stood in front of him on a stage damn near every day for 13 years and kept that secret. It wasn't an anger issue. It was a trust issue.

"Deacon, you can't not talk to me forever," Rayna said, frustrated. "We have…things we need to figure out. About Maddie. About the tour. About…us."

From the stubborn look on his face, that was exactly what he intended to do.

 _Alright, fine_ , Rayna thought, determined. He wanted to give her the silent treatment, she had a few tricks up her sleeve too. She turned around, walked to the door and locked it before turning back to him.

"You remember that fight we had after the CMAs in 1997," she recalled with a little smirk. "I don't even remember what it was about, it was so ridiculous."

"I do," Deacon said automatically. "Luke Wheeler was hitting on you all night."

She rolled her eyes. He _would_ remember. "You always thought any time a man talked to me it meant he wanted to sleep with me."

"It usually does, Ray."

"Deacon, you're missing the point," she said impatiently. "Do you remember how that fight ended?"

Oh yeah. He remembered. They'd sat on the couch in his house in silence for what seemed like hours, in a complete stand off, neither one willing to give in and admit the other was wrong. Well, it seemed like hours. In actuality it had probably been about twenty minutes, until he looked over and Rayna was one item at a time patiently trying to get a rise out of him by removing every stitch of clothing she had on.

He didn't say a word when she kicked off her shoes, and slipped off the short black skirt she was wearing. He didn't even say anything when she stripped off the fancy top and it dropped on the floor, and she sat there in nothing but her black lace bra and underwear. But when the bra hit the floor, he was a goner, and she knew it. _Dammit, Rayna, that ain't fair!_

Fight over. She won that one. By a longshot.

That was the first of many makeups that house had seen. The Bluebird itself and this very room had seen its fair share of makeups as well. Probably more than either of them should be embarrassed to admit outloud.

With a determined look in her eye, Rayna slipped off her black rhinestone boots and tossed them aside.

"Rayna, put your boots back on. This ain't 1997 and I'm not 25. It's not gonna work."

She gave him a raised eyebrow look. An _I dare you_ look. And then she unbuttoned her jeans.

"I miss you," she said, her voice lace with regret. "I miss making music with you. I miss waking up in your arms. The last month has been hell, Deacon. And I'm sorry I lied to you. But we both made mistakes, didn't we? And mistakes should be forgiven."

He closed his eyes. "It's not that simple."

"I know it isn't," she said as slid her jeans down past her knees. "But we can work on it, can't we? Everything we've been through…I feel like it's all led to this point for a reason. This is our chance, Deacon. The chance we never got to make everything right."

She kicked the jeans aside and stood there in a silk blouse that barely touched her thighs and skimpy pink panties that, along with her long tanned bare legs left absolutely nothing to his imagination.

"You can't always fix everything with…this," Deacon said stubbornly, gesturing towards where she was now taking her time undoing all the buttons on the shirt she wore, teasing him with just the slightest peekaboo glimpse of the pale pink lace bra hiding underneath it. It was taking every ounce of willpower he had not to reach out and pick her up and drop her on that couch behind him, and the look on her face said she knew he was losing. His brain might have been saying this wouldn't solve anything, but the rest of his anatomy was not giving a damn about anything except the fact that his jeans were about to ready to cut off the circulation to the lower half of his body.

"Of course not," Rayna agreed, a little smile playing around the corners of her mouth. "But it got you talking, didn't it?" Truthfully, her heart was racing. Because this was it, their now or never moment. If he couldn't forgive her now, she knew he never would. "You know what I missed the most these last two weeks, Babe? Mornings."

The blouse hit the floor, and she heard him drag in a deep breath, watching in satisfaction as he clenched and unclenched his fists. His expression didn't look as pissed off any more, and she knew _that_ look well. This was one she was about to win.

"Us fighting over who forgot to set the coffee timer on the bus?" Deacon smirked a little. "My boots on the floor?"

Rayna smiled and shook her head. "Writing all night on the bus and then making love when the sun is just about to come up. You know I can't sleep without feeling you inside me first," she murmured. "I haven't slept in weeks."

She reached out and tugged Deacon closer by the front of his flannel shirt, and he was lost. His arms stole around her, pulling her in by the hips full-length against him at the same time as Rayna's mouth slammed against his, hot and insistent and determined to take back what was hers. He slid her panties to the floor, and the bra quickly followed suit until she was completely naked in his arms, unable to suppress a little whimper of need as he cupped her breasts in each hand, his calloused thumbs rubbing circles around her nipples, taking his time. "Don't make me wait," she murmured. "Not right now. I want you so much it hurts."

He smiled against her mouth. "You made me wait a long time, darlin."

"Not fair," she laughed softly.

"You walkin' in here and decidin to strip, now that was not fair."

"You think you'll forgive me?" Rayna said lightly. She was teasing, but there was such a pain, a hope in her eyes, that he knew they were no longer talking about playing games.

"No," Deacon said quietly, cupping her face in his hands with both palms. "Because that would mean you did something wrong, Ray. And you didn't. You did the right thing back then. You were protecting our little girl and that's all that matters. I get that now. It's just…hard to accept. But I'm getting there."

A tear crept down her cheek, and she let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

He rubbed the tear away with the back of his thumb, and then leaned forward to kiss the spot where it had been, kissing his way back across her face and her neck, and then sliding his hands down her backside and underneath to lift her.

She wrapped her long legs around his waist as he carried her to the vanity table in the corner. He dropped her onto the edge of it, sending a collection of make up bottles, hairspray cans and nail polish to the floor with a clatter.

"We'll clean that up later," he murmured. "Kelly won't mind."

Rayna laughed softly as he shoved his flannel shirt off his arms and pulled his tshirt over his head, then tossed it aside. She reached out to unzip his jeans and shove them down, along with his boxer briefs. Kelly was long gone, of course. _Don't forget to lock up. And for god's sakes, take your panties with you this time. Last time you two pulled a late nighter here, my morning cleaning lady found them hanging from the lamp and lectured me for a week._ She reached out to stroke the rock-hard length of him, touching and teasing until he caught her by the wrist.

"You really are impatient, aren't you?" he said, his voice a low growl.

Rayna made a little noise of frustration, but without another moment's hesitation he pushed her legs apart on the edge of the counter. She let out a sigh of relief as he wedged his hips between her knees and pushed himself inside her hard and fast, sending her almost immediately to orgasm as they rocked against each other.

Deacon could see them, in the mirror behind her, though she didn't realize it. It was about the damn hottest thing he'd ever seen in his life, her with her head thrown back and her hair flowing behind her, their bodies pumping together in a rhythm as familiar as breathing. It had been 20 years since the first time he'd ever been inside Rayna, and every time, every goddamn time it was just as good as the first time all over again.

They came at the same time, spiraling over the edge together into a shuddering free fall. Rayna saw stars behind her eyelids as she collapsed against Deacon, her forehead leaning into his shoulder and her arms around his neck, trying to slow her racing heart.

He held her there like that for a few minutes, trying to regain his own composure, burying his face in her hair, kissing every inch of her face and mouth and neck. "Wanna go home?" he murmured.

"Only if it's yours," she whispered.

"We got a couple hours yet before the sun comes up," he said with a mischievous grin. "Now I remember why the hell we fight so much. Always seems to end up this way."

Rayna laughed too, but her face quickly turned solemn. "Did you mean what you said? Because I did, Deacon. There is nothing that can keep us apart now. Nothing. I want to finish this tour with you, and record that album with you, and raise up my girls with you by my side. And guess, I…just need to know if you're all in, because-."

He silenced her with a long, lingering kiss that was enough to answer that question, and also enough to get all of the parts of her that were still naked and rubbing against him heated up all over again.

"We _really_ need to go," he said with a low frustrated laugh.

"I suppose you're right," Rayna said with a contented sigh, sliding off the counter, her bones still feeling like liquid. She circled the room, retrieving her clothes while Deacon fixed up his own, smiling to herself as she replaced all the various items that had been knocked on the floor in the process.

When they were both decent again, he opened the door to go out, and sure enough the rest of the place was long ago shut down and dark except for the few lights that always remained on by the stage.

Rayna waited as he checked the lights and the front door as Kelly had trusted them to do many times before, and she stood in the middle of the little stage area, and closed her eyes.

The memories washed over her like a warm summer rain.

 _No one will ever love you…like I do…._

When she opened her eyes, Deacon was leaning against the wall by the front door, arms crossed, watching her with an intent expression on his face.

"What?" She smiled.

"Just thinking about the first time I met you," he said softly as he walked forward. "You were standing right where you are now, singing Patsy Cline. I sat at that table right there," he pointed to a booth in the corner. "Think you even forgot some of the words."

"That's because you were distracting," she responded. "I didn't even know you yet, and you were already causing me trouble."

"Pretty sure that goes both ways, darlin." Deacon smirked as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, and in seconds he had that same song from so long ago playing, as he set it on the nearest table and held out his hand.

"I can't believe you remember this," she murmured as he pulled her in close, and they danced under the one light in the dark room, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Baby, I remember every song, but that one was pretty special."

She closed her eyes and Patsy's voice took her back years. She might have been crazy for loving Deacon Claybourne alright, but she'd take this kind of crazy. Every night, every morning, every moment for the rest of their lives.

###########################

 **2 weeks later**

"Alright, now you be good for your dad," Rayna said as she hugged the girls goodbye outside soundcheck. "We'll see you in a couple weeks when you come to L.A, okay?" At a respectful distance, Teddy waited for them.

"Okay, Mom," Daphne said with a sigh. "We will."

Next to her, Maddie had even put down the earphones and cell phone for a moment. "Are you sure we can't go with you?" she pleaded.

"There will be lots of time for that this summer," Rayna said firmly. "When we are touring closer to home and recording the album."

"And speaking of that album," next to her, Deacon reached for her hand. "Your mom and I have a surprise for the two of you. Something to keep you busy while we're gone."

Daphne jumped and down excitedly. "What is it, Uncle Deacon?"

"You remember that song Deacon wrote called "A Life that's Good?" Rayna said with a little smile. "We're going to re-record it for the new album."

"Of course," Maddie said instantly. "Dad said he wrote it about you."

It had slipped out a few times now, Maddie calling him Dad. It was so bittersweet to Rayna, to hear it, to see the two of them slowly but surely forging a new kind of relationship. It was taking some time healing from the aftermath of all this, but they were definitely getting there, all of them.

"And we want the two of you to sing it with us."

Maddie's jaw dropped, and Daphne squealed. "What? You're going to put us on the album?"

"That we are," Deacon laughed. "You better put in lots of practice time while we're gone."

Another round of hugs and goodbyes were rained upon them, and then Rayna watched as they bounded back towards their dad, talking excitedly between them.

"I miss them so much already," Rayna said with a sigh as she climbed the steps to the bus with Deacon behind her.

"Me too."

He settled into the corner of the sofa on the bus that was always Rayna's favorite, and she sat down next to him and leaned her head against his chest, happy to watch the scenery fly by out the window as the wheels started to roll once more and his arms around her kept her warm. She'd never really been as content as she was on the road.

"You ever think about what you'd change?" She said quietly after awhile.

"Sometimes," he said, his voice soft next to her ear. "What about you? What would you change?"

She'd thought about it more times than she could count, how every decision from the time she was sixteen years old had somehow carved the path up to that day for both of them. "Everything," she said quietly. "And nothing. Nothing at all, Deacon."

"That makes two of us. It all happened like it was supposed to, Baby."

"I think so. God blessed our broken road, somewhere along the way, that's for sure," she sighed reverently, snuggling in deeper next to him.

"There's a song in that line somewhere for sure."

"Wanna write," she murmured.

"With you, I do," he said, smiling against her hair. "Always."

Rayna sat up, and went to find a notepad while he retrieved a guitar, and the song came easily, like so many others had between the two of them.

 _I think about the years I spent just passing through_

 _I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you_

 _But you just smile and take my hand_

 _You've been there you understand_

 _It's all part of a grander plan_

 _That is coming true_

 _Every long lost dream led me to where you are_

 _Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars_

 _Pointing me on my way into your loving arms_

 _This much I know is true_

 _That god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you_

 _Now I'm just rolling home_

 _Into my lover's arms_

 _This much I know is true_

 _That god blessed the broken road_

 _That led me straight to you._

It was all part of a grander plan, alright, Rayna thought as she smiled and watched the man she loved pick out the last few chords.

She couldn't wait to see where the music and the road would lead them next.

 **########This is the end of this one…**

 **Thanks so much for reading and all your reviews!**


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